It seemed like all that was had,
burned away.
Nothing left but ashes.
When she looked back on all that was,
all she saw was smoke.
She realized that she was burning like a fire with all these guys.
Her fear was fueling each meeting.
Each chance.
Each opportunity.
Except one.
No matter how much she tried to put an end to one.
It never left her.
It found a way to keep burning.
Tric.
burned away.
Nothing left but ashes.
When she looked back on all that was,
all she saw was smoke.
She realized that she was burning like a fire with all these guys.
Her fear was fueling each meeting.
Each chance.
Each opportunity.
Except one.
No matter how much she tried to put an end to one.
It never left her.
It found a way to keep burning.
Tric.
----------------------------------------------------
- RealityCheck -
-101-
burned out ego...
She had been running on fear the entire time with all these guys.
Her heart only truly wanted one guy.
The one that was a mirror of her true self.
Not the fearful one.
And it took her a lot of running around, running from her fears, only to continue feeding
them every turn she took.
Until one day she got sick.
Her mind took a huge hit.
Her heart was screaming to her.
Telling her she was worthy of what she truly wanted.
Someone to share a life with.
Not someone who wanted to change her.
Just someone who liked her as she was.
C was the one who had her heart.
She met him at her favorite dance club.
He had similar interests as her. They went hiking and had coffee together.
They watched a movie together.
They laughed together and danced and just snuggled.
He even marked her with a hickey and
she adored it...
Which she never used to cuz she knew it was a marking the territory type of thing.
But not with C.
She felt it as a show of Love...
So why did she destroy it?
Why did she run from it?
Why couldn't she allow it to blossom?
FEAR.
Fear of not being good enough.
Fear of being left for a better woman.
Fear of being old.
Fear of being cheated on.
The list can go on.
Fear is what led her to run after outside validation.
But the truth was...
The outside validation from jumping guy to guy,
did nothing to calm the burning desire to be loved by only one...
Herself.
So in the summer of 2020,
she got sick.
She had to make a choice between
LIFE
and
DEATH.
Life was the path of learning to love herself as she was for who she was.
Death was the path of continuing to believe that love was 'out there'.
She chose LIFE.
And she cut off all the guys..
including C...
Because she knew that what was broken could only be fixed
with time and space.
Letting go was the only way to heal.
---------------------------------------------------------------
So Why Tric?
Tric continued to hang on to her...
And as much as she wanted to deny it, a part of her still clung
to him...
They chanced upon each other once again come the end of the year.
After being cured of her sickness.
and learning he was clean too,
she jumped on yet another fear...
Fear that she needed to stick with the tried and true in order to stay safe
from getting sick again...
But something inside her kept calling to her...
C...
What was it trying to tell her?
C was long gone.
C was just a memory now...
And then it hit!
C was her heart.
C was what her heart wanted out of a relationship.
Not so much C himself, but what C represented to her.
An equal partner with a matching shared idea or goal.
And Tric didn't have that.
Tric already had a life.
She was just the side dish.
It took a lot for her to accept herself, but she finally did.
She cut Tric off with her truth.
She wanted to share her love with another who also had the same desires.
***In chimes Eddie!***
...to be continued
