The End to a New Beginning

 It was Friday night and She was at her favorite night spot again,

 Only this time, she had more on her mind then just dancing. 

She started the night like she did any other Friday,

 drinking a corona and watching the others dance while she waited for the magic to kick start within her.

After her 2nd beer, she was beginning to feel the magic mojo flow.

She went out to the dance floor and began to shake her body to the rhythm.

The music had a way of moving her body in ways that she never thought possible. 

As she danced, the same problem always occurred;

unwanted guys who had no rhythm whatsoever who wanted to dance with her.

They would come up to her by the dozens.

She swatted them all away one by one. 

She moved around the dance floor in an attempt to escape all the guys who dared to throw themselves at her trying to cop cheap thrills. 

She found herself at the end of her rope about ready to leave the bar when a song stirred her attention.

One last dance she told herself. 

The song really rocked.

                                 She was moving so wildly to it that she didn't even realize when  a

 guy had approached her from behind. 

He began to sway with her movement in unison and she felt a magical energy grab her.

She didn't get the urge to swat this one away. 

Instead she grabbed him and began dancing with him.

She asked him... 

"Where you from?"

She always asked. 

She wanted a Spanish guy. 

She knew that much.

He responds back with, 

"Colombia".

In her mind popped up the movie with Arnold Swartzenegger called

Collateral Damage..

And Drug Lords.

She was being judgmental, she knew that, 

but she had to do the famous 

Lucy impression

 and then took off like a bat out of Hell!

She was not going to risk falling for a Colombian.

So She's back near the dance floor jamming to yet another great sound,

When Mr. Colombian Drug Lord shows up again. 

She gladly accepted the dance cuz she knew they had a really great flow together and she wanted to feel the magic again. 

This time he doesn't let her escape.

He grabs her hand and they leave the  bar together to conversate outside  where they could hear each other better.

Once outside, She offers to give him a ride home and...

to be continued! 

  

Chapter FiFTeeN

 Eddie shot her a text out of nowhere...

Six months had come and gone and Eddie was nowhere to be heard from.

Until the day she decided to cut Tric off.

It's like the universe had it's own mobile phone and E.T. had phoned home.

"Hey Bb" 

was the beginning to another round of Should I or shouldn't I? 

That evening, she decided She Should. 

So she set up a date with Eddie. 

He picked her up at the exact time they mentioned and headed up to the bar. 

The car ride turned into a game of let me see what I can get..

Eddie looked over at her as she hopped in and immediately tried to grab her thighs pretty high up! 

She pushed his hand away almost instantly and looked him in the eyes with a cat's glare and a slight hiss. 

Then kindly she said to him, "not yet. We need to get reacquainted".

He didn't look thrilled but retrieved his paws back to the steering wheel. 

When they got to the bar, and they went inside, she was ready to order her first beer since she had given up drinking a couple months ago.

She figured, why not destroy that streak with a date already going down the wrong road. 

When she asked him what he would like, he said to her that he wasn't going to drink that night cuz he had to work the next morning. 

She felt awful. 

Like then why agree to go to a bar she thought? 

Was he just trying to be nice and do what she wanted?

Or was he buttering her up so he could get in her pants? 

Either way, she felt uncomfortable drinking in front of him while he wouldn't.

So she told him, "Let's just go back to the car".

They went back to the car and drove back to her house. 

They sat in the parked car for maybe two seconds when Eddie decided to try pawing her again!

The rest of the night went down as follows... 

Only what you get to witness here, is the inside view.

The battle In her head... 

He kept grabbing at me

All i could think of was a lion

Pawing playfully at his prey

I kept pushing away his hands

Innocently crying out soft, "no's"

But his hands were so warm,

So smooth, so hard...

I could feel the fire of desire inside me spark

And begin to burn out of control.

I began to crave his touch..

I wanted to feel his hands all over my body,

Caressing me ever so slowly.. Squeezing gently...

Then i snapped myself out of this spell,

And common sense doused the fire.

We began to talk some more.

I asked about his family and where he came from...

As he spoke his answers

I watched his lips move

They were so perfect

I yearned for them to be kissing my neck, my lips, my breasts...

The wetness of his tongue soothing the scorching of the fires inside me that lusted for his kisses...

He must have sensed my desire

Because I could see a hunger begin to burn in his eyes.

They sparked as bright as the full moon

On the darkest of nights.

Then...

The lion in him pounced!

His hands wrapped completely around me in the blink of an eye..

He pulled me so close to him

I could feel his warm soft breath

Tickle down my neck

The caress of his skin against mine

stirred my entire being..

The Lure was so strong it was almost impossible to resist...

But

My Logic was a lot stronger..

I kindly rejected his advances and said good night..

I knew very well that i didn't want to be the food that fed his hunger.

Especially when i knew very well

That i had thrown the crumbs.

I'm bad. I know this.

But I'm also good cuz i know better.

I'm dangerous to my own self though

Because i also know that if i keep playing with fire...

One day I'm going to get burned..

So i said good-night to my date that night.

No kisses.

No promises.

Just

"Good-bye"

 

 

The Continuing Saga Of the Lost

It seemed like all that was had,
 burned away.
Nothing left but ashes.
When she looked back on all that was,
all she saw was smoke.

She realized that she was burning like a fire with all these guys.
Her fear was fueling each meeting.
Each chance.
Each opportunity.

Except one.

No matter how much she tried to put an end to one.
It never left her.
It found a way to keep burning.

Tric.

----------------------------------------------------

- RealityCheck -

-101-

The end of spring and the coming of summer, brought a huge revelation to her already

burned out ego... 

She had been running on fear the entire time with all these guys. 

Her heart only truly wanted one guy. 

The one that was a mirror of her true self. 

Not the fearful one. 

And it took her a lot of running around, running from her fears, only to continue feeding

them every turn she took. 

Until one day she got sick. 

Her mind took a huge hit. 

Her heart was screaming to her. 

Telling her she was worthy of what she truly wanted. 

Someone to share a life with. 

Not someone who wanted to change her. 

Just someone who liked her as she was. 

C was the one who had her heart. 

She met him at her favorite dance club. 

He had similar interests as her. They went hiking and had coffee together.

They watched a movie together.

They laughed together and danced and just snuggled.

He even marked her with a hickey and 

she adored it... 

Which she never used to cuz she knew it was a marking the territory type of thing.

But not with C. 

She felt it as a show of Love... 

So why did she destroy it?

Why did she run from it?

Why couldn't she allow it to blossom?

FEAR.

Fear of not being good enough.

Fear of being left for a better woman.

Fear of being old.

Fear of being cheated on.

The list can go on.

Fear is what led her to run after outside validation.

But the truth was... 

The outside validation from jumping guy to guy,

 did nothing to calm the burning desire to be loved by only one...

 Herself. 

So in the summer of 2020,

she got sick. 

She had to make a choice between

LIFE

and

DEATH.

Life was the path of learning to love herself as she was for who she was.

Death was the path of continuing to believe that love was 'out there'.

She chose LIFE.

And she cut off all the guys..

including C... 

Because she knew that what was broken could only be fixed 

with time and space.

Letting go was the only way to heal. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

So Why Tric? 

Tric continued to hang on to her... 

And as much as she wanted to deny it, a part of her still clung

to him...

They chanced upon each other once again come the end of the year.

After being cured of her sickness. 

and learning he was clean too, 

she jumped on yet another fear... 

Fear that she needed to stick with the tried and true in order to stay safe

from getting sick again... 

But something inside her kept calling to her... 

C... 

What was it trying to tell her? 

C was long gone. 

C was just a memory now... 

And then it hit! 

 C was her heart. 

C was what her heart wanted out of a relationship. 

Not so much C himself, but what C represented to her.

An equal partner with a matching shared idea or goal. 

And Tric didn't have that. 

Tric already had a life. 

She was just the side dish. 

It took a lot for her to accept herself, but she finally did. 

She cut Tric off with her truth. 

She wanted to share her love with another who also had the same desires.

***In chimes Eddie!*** 

...to be continued

 

Chapter Fourteen

Five days had come and gone just as her Aunt Flo had done. 

Yet still no word from Tric.
However, she figured that he knew Aunt Flo was in town and was probably avoiding a run in with that lady killer.  

Plus, On another note,  

Tric was also her Friday nights, and it was only Tuesday, 

So she wasn't going to allow herself to get too worried.
At least not yet.

And really, she didn't even have time to think much about it since she had so many other things pop up all over the place to keep her plenty occupied. 

First, Eddie had rang her Tuesday morning asking for a visit, 

But since she was visiting with her Aunt Flo,

  she told him to try again

Thursday night. 

Then on Tuesday night, she ran into Rafferty.

Rafferty of all people! 

He was the co-worker that tried once before, 

but it flopped completely. 

Rafferty bumped into her in the parking lot as she was heading to her car after a somewhat  pretty interesting day..

He began to ask her if she was up for getting together Wednesday night.

She hesitated.. 

She really did not want to. 

She fumbled for excuses. 

When in chimes a message...
DiNG! 

She looked at her phone and was so happy to see she got a text message!
Or 'ammo' as she thought of it.
 She needed to shoot down Rafferty quick and this was just the thing to do it!  

She turns to Rafferty and says, 

"I have to take this call, it's important. I'm sorry. text me tomorrow!" 

And with that, she turned and went to her car.

When she got to her car, she opened the message from Gordo.

"Want to go get a drink?"

Gordo... 

Who was Gordo? 

Gordo was this fiesty lion... But behind the big bushy mane was a sweet sentimental cat purring for attention. 

She met him at work. 

She wasn't interested in him as anything other then a friend. 

Someone she was able to talk to openly and honestly.

She didn't judge him and he didn't judge her. 

So it worked out really well. 

And somehow, he reflected her. 

She saw her fears in his stories. 

And she believed that a lot of her stories reflected a lot of his fears as well. 

  

She wrote him back...
"Sure. Where?"

--------------------------

Sitting at the pub just up the road from her house,
Gordo was listening very intently on her story about Chase.


---CHASE---

Chase had come through her line one evening while she was at work.
 He was buying cigarettes, but somehow the two of them just clicked.
They began flirting like crazy back and forth as she was ringing him up, annoying most of the customers in line for taking so long.
Chase was so easy going and liked to laugh, which she really admired since she liked to laugh too.
And she really liked his semi asian look since he was from El Salvador.
And even though he was Spanish, he knew English very well, which to her was a relief from all the guys she had met who only smile and nod when they were together.

Just as he was getting ready to leave her register, he asked for her number.


----------------------------


She continued to tell Gordo about how Chase had contacted her earlier in the day.
And how he wanted to meet up with her that night.
However, since Chase worked early mornings, by the time she got off work,
he had already fallen asleep.
She understood that very well,
because she sometimes would fall asleep waiting for Tric in exactly the same way.

Her and Gordo continued to drink and talk about relationships and ex's.
Issue after issue...
When finally the bar had called it's last round and were on their way to kicking the two of them out.
She couldn't believe how long they had been talking!
But Gordo was a Leo and Leo's tend to be very good listeners as well as very good communicators.
As they were heading to their cars, they stopped to finish up a story.
She felt the cold wind blowing against her the entire time and she began to shiver.
She says to Gordo, Let's go to the car and finish talking there.
I'm getting really cold.
He agrees.

While in his car, they continue to talk and somehow they get onto a topic of sex and ex's.
Somehow, talking about sex threw a challenge in the air.
Gordo mentions to her that no one can turn him on, except if he wants it.
And for her, that statement sounded like a challenge her Ego was happy to burst.
She looks at him and asks,
"So, if I were to kiss you right now, nothing would happen?"

He must have not been expecting her to be so forward because he choked and fumbled with his next few words...
and as he's trying to explain himself, she leans over and starts to kiss him.
He doesn't stop her.
But a lion and a fish can only go so far.
When land and water meet,
they can only mirror each other.

And she knew she had a rule for herself.
No co-workers.
And so she stopped it there.
They both agreed to keep it strictly friendship.

--------------------------------


The next day, as she is working her evening shift,
She receives a message from C...
Her heart practically jumps up into her throat but gets stuck because she remembers the way he had treated her the last time they had a chance to be together.

She hesitates to write back.
But still does.
"Hola! Como estas?"

He writes back and then not long after his response adds the question...
"Want to come over tonight?"

She couldn't believe him!
A whole month had passed since he was super mean to her.
He never apologized.
Yet, now he is expecting her to jump on over!