The Final Chapter

Three days after she had called Tric a F*ckboy, she really didn't expect to hear fom him for a while. 

And indeed she didn't. 

But she did get a text from Chase.

She knew Chase from the summer of 2019. 

She met him at her store. 

He had come through her line asking to buy cigarettes. 

She remembers carding him because he looked so young. 

And when she saw his picture, she made a silly remark which obviously triggered his attention and excitement cuz he asked her for her number not long after she finished ringing him up. 

But just as with all summer romances, once the sun goes out,

so does all that ever was.

Back to reality though,

 she looks down at her phone and reads Chase's message. 

He's looking to hook back up. 

But he does so by throwing the ball in her court. 

He asks, 

"Do you miss me?"

She responds with, 

"Do you want me to?"

From there he pretty much spills his truth..

He says to her that he misses her and wants to have sex one last time. 

She thinks for a second... 

And tells him, 

"Aunt Flo is visiting... try again in two days."

The day after tomorrow comes rather quick and sure enough Chase hits her up right away. 

He sends the dreaded question, 

"Do you want to come over tonight?" 

She reads his words and immediately Tric pops into her head. 

She looks at her phone... she goes through the messages between her and Tric in the last week that  passed. 

Nothing was coming together. 

He kept wanting to only see her in a threesome.

She suggested many times they just get together, but he always wanted another person along. 

She let out a slow breath of defeat...

Who was she kidding? 

Herself only. 

Darling Neptune had blinded her once again with illusion and delusion. 

Tric had someone. 

He had a family. 

He didn't want her. 

He just wanted her when he needed something. 

She snapped herself back into the now moment and took off the rose colored glasses. 

Truth was, 

Tric never even responded.

No apology.

No explanation.

No arguement.

Not a care in the world... 

So she answered Chase back. 

"Why not. I'll see you soon." 

---------------------------------

Two days Later, It's Friday Night!

Friday nights were what always started it all! 

And after midnight,

 the real show would begin.

It was nearly 9pm, when she was getting ready to dress up for her main event when she received a text from Tric.

Finally she thought! 

After 7 days of not hearing from him. 

He texts her with, 

"Hello. How are you doing?"

She responds with the usual small talk and lets him know she is going out for the evening to her favorite dance bar. 

He tells her to have a great time but then proceeds to asking her... 

"Have you been with anyone?"

For some reason, that question always made her feel like she hit a brick wall... 

And it wasn't because she was afraid to tell him the truth. 

She knew she wasn't. 

But what always stopped her dead in her tracks was the questions of... 

Why does he care? 

Why is he asking?

Why does he even want to know? 

She thought about this. 

If Tric really didn't see her as anything other then a woman to have sex with... 

Then why bother to ask about others in her life? 

Especially if he made it perfectly clear that he was happy with the life he had. 

She knew, that somewhere Tric wasn't being totally honest with himself. 

While she was thinking about what to say, 

Tric adds, 

"I won't mind if you did. I'm just asking."

And so with that bone he threw at her, she went ahead and called his bluff.

"Yes, I saw Chase."

Of course with that, he went into his usual questioning, 

Then ended the conversation with, 

"I want to see you after you finish dancing."

After 1:30am, she was finished with her rounds of dancing and was ready to head back out. 

She was actaully really excited to see Tric that night. 

It was her birthday and she had honestly wished to see him earlier that day before they had started talking.

When she had reached her house she text him and they met up at their usual spot. 

She was so excited and happy to see him, 

but he was back to being more reserved. 

She realized that he didn't really want to kiss her. 

He wasn't really responding to her touches. 

And after four beers, she really wasn't putting two and two together, until the next morning. 

when she realized that maybe... 

Just maybe... 

She really had called his bluff and it had been revealed before her. 

She figured one of two things... 

Either 

ONE

Tric really didn't like that she went with another guy unless he planned it himself, or could be around during it to watch and control how it played out to his advantage. 

or 

TWO

He actually started to catch feelings for her... 

Her heart wanted it to be number two.

 But she knew he was forbidden fruit 

and that he had already told her straight up he was happy with another. 

So who was she kidding? 

Once again, only herself. 

Therefore she didn't say anything. 

She thanked him for a wonderful night and went on her merry way. 

The next night, Tric text her again. 

Only this time he was very unsure. 

She tried to get things rolling and held her hopes up for them to start rolling on their own eventually.

However as the night progressed, 

Tric just started to get more and more faded. 

She was out at the bar with her roommate, Jo-ann, that night.

Just drinking and chatting and laughing it up like girls usually do. 

Her roomie was waiting on her man to call her over just like she was waiting on Tric to do the same. 

The two of them decided to make a short video and send it to Tric. 

Not even five minutes after sending the video, 

Jo-ann's man called and picked her up.

She was left at the bar alone. 

She picked herself up and went home and just crashed into bed. 

The next morning she awakens to a text from Tric. 

He asks, 

"Which bar did you two go to?" 

She messages him back which bar and he responds with, 

"Your roommate is hot! I'd do her! She's more my age!"

{Insert many daggers here} 

Because that is how her heart had felt with those words! 

At the time, she didn't think about it. 

She just reacted. 

"You can have her, cuz I'm done with you. Goodbye Tric."

Being stabbed, she drew her sword and threw it... 

She didn't even care if it hit him.

Because she was in her fight or flight mode.

And the one thing she was good at,

 was turning from a situation and running away. 

But then later that day, it hit her... 

it always does. 

She couldn't help it. 

Her mind was working over time... 

Plotting and scheming ways to move on and forget him...  

But her heart kept pushing... 

If he was a reflection of her truth... 

What was he reflecting? 

And then she saw it... 

Her fear of being honest and truthful with her heart, words, and actions to another and  

Especially with herself! 

And there it was. 

Her lesson. 

Always speak your truth. 

First to yourself.

And then to others. 

THE

     End....

Unless.... 

Chapter 13

The next night, she came home from work only to get a text from Tric asking her for a round two of the night before's shenanigans...

She thought about the  Croatian guy.. 

And how he was kissing her...

And how she didn't like it. 

Somehow, kissing another guy, and then kissing Tric, just didn't seem to work for her. 

So she declined the offer at hand. 

Tric kept trying to convince her by repeatedly saying how this other guy really wanted her again. 

But she knew... If she did it, 

the guy would only get more attached. 

And she just didn't feel the vibe flow with him. 

She reassured Tric of her decision not to go forth with it. 

So Tric left her alone for two nights and a day.

Then he text her again Thursday night.

This time he had a new en-devour for her to contemplate.

She had just gotten home from a night of fun dancing at her favorite club and was feeling really happy and alive, so when she had received his message she immediately responded with, "Okay, sure!" 

She really didn't know what exactly made her say "sure" to Tric's proposition,

 but she had said yes, and what was said could not be taken back without repercussions...

She knew that much.

She also knew the doubts trying to arise in her were only her fears trying to repress her.

This was no time for fear to take over,

 she was having a great night.

 so she flowed with it instead. 

As the night rolled on, she got her sexiest outfit on and asked Tric to pick her up since she was feeling the beers kick in high gear after getting home. 

Tric was more then happy to comply. 

And she really liked that! 

She let herself think,

 "My Hero!"

 like a little girl would think after being saved from something super small.

But she knew she was too masculine in thought sometimes and so she allowed herself to think like a female,

 just this once.

When they got to the location 15 minutes after driving,

 they both went up to the house of a small Latino Asian looking guy.

She thought for a moment about how she had been watching a lot of TikTok videos lately and all the Asian boys that she found Hot, somehow manifested into the face of this small Latino guy standing at the doorway... 

The night was playing tricks on her, that's for sure.. But she didn't care. 

She wanted this fantasy played out...  

She knew she was walking into the underworld.

Into another dimension.

Into a plane above and beyond reality. 

But she liked it. 

It was something Unknown! 

And there was something very exciting and intriguing about not knowing...

It was a limitless experience waiting to be born.

Anything was possible. 

And she was feeling a lot of love within her. 

So she knew that by going from her heart with every decision before her that night, 

only love could manifest for her. 

-------------

As they walked up a winding set of stairs, 

she couldn't help but feel like Alice in Wonderland... 

Only she was falling up the rabbit hole not down.

She completely ignored the fact that the whole house was dark.

That there was clothes and toys laying around at almost every turn.

But she wasn't there to judge. 

When they got to the room, 

The real story began. 

This guy didn't jump on her mouth like the last guy. 

She liked that.

It made her more comfortable with the situation, 

especially since Tric was the only one she wanted to allow a taste of her lips.  

Some how she knew that kissing was sacred... 

That it was the door to the heart. 

And even though Tric was forbidden fruit, 

they still shared tiny secrets here and there and that made it all the more exciting. 

She was getting to know the dark side of Tric. 

The side that he hides from fear of being rejected. 

She accepted this part of him. 

Because he in turn accepted her dark side as well.

And with that acceptance came a great freedom that only allowed limitless opportunities to be felt and experienced and shared together without the need to control. 

And that was more then she could ever create from fear.   

In the end,

things definitely played out much differently this time around

 and she realized just how much Tric was really capable of correlating.

---------------------------

Later that night...

As Tric was driving her home, he shared a song with her and she really didn't know how to react.

She fumbled for words... but that only made her seem like a rambling drunk. 

So she gave up... 

She laid her head on his shoulder.
To her great surprise, he pressed his head to hers!

She was in shock! 

She wasn't expecting such a response. 

She always knew she was the one doing all the motions.
Him not reacting to them was what she was expecting.
But why?

She wasn't going to answer that.
Not now at least.
But she did catch herself freak out and move almost instantly.
And she just looked at him dumbfounded.

Boy... she must have really been drunk.
But she knew she wasn't.
She was afraid...
Afraid that there was something...
and she was never good at that..
So she sabotaged it.
Cuz she was really good at that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Days after their last meet up just kept rolling by.
Tric tried to get things planned and rolling but each time something didn't work out right.
Nothing seemed to be connected after that one night.

Then one day,
Tric asked her, "Have you been with anyone since that night?"
She responded with a simple, "No."
Then went on to say...
"But I did run into this guy at the store."

She knew why she was telling him...
It wasn't because he was asking...
It was to push him.
But manipulation always had a way of back-firing.

She tells Tric,
"I think he's a lot like you."
to which he immediately took offense and barked back,
"What's that supposed to mean?"

She laughed to herself when she read it..
She knew he knew...
It wasn't a put down.
It was the truth.
Sometimes people need to be true to themselves.
And accept that it's okay to be who they really are..

And that is who she was..
The woman that accepted their truth.
Without judgment.
Without criticism.
Without expectation.

but then again... that last part..
Without expectation...
Was that really true?
If she really wasn't expecting anything...
Then why play the manipulation card?

And if Tric really didn't have any expectations with her,
then why ask about others in her life?

This was becoming a bit too dangerous, she thought.

-------------------------

Several days go by and she hears from Tric almost every day that passes
But never do they actually get the chance to meet up.
Nothing seems to come together.
Frustration begins to build.
With Tric always teasing her about getting together
 then it never actually happening
really starts to take a toll on her precious ego.

So one morning when Tric is asking her again if she wants to get together...
She completely flips her lid.
She's that short stout little tea pot
that just boiled over!

She actually has the nerve to call him a
'F*ckboy'!!!!

Sometimes, she doesn't even know where these words come to mind from, but in the heat of the moment, they just roll right out of her!
She continues to add,
"You only care about yourself."

She was so done with it..
Letting herself give him what he wanted, but never getting anything in return.

His only response was...
"Wow"...

Typical male response.
But she knew...
He was going to do one of two things...

Either:
One...
He was going to vanish for a few days..
Basically avoiding her in all ways possible
in hopes that after five days of not seeing or hearing from him,
 she would forget the fact that she was upset and take him back with open arms.
And possibly an apology.


or
Two...
Her words would stay with him for several days, each time triggering more anger inside him until it
finally broke his ego will.
Leaving him to realize that after several days of not talking to her.
Not seeing her...
He comes to understand that he can't achieve
 his next en-devour without her.
For the truth rested in the mere fact that she was indeed his bait.

And with that,
 he comes to the conclusion that,
 you can't get milk from a cow you don't feed and take care of.


But she was open to a number Three...
Would Tric be creative enough?
She kind of knew already that he was...

Chapter Twelve Midnight

She wasn't sure if it was a form of revenge on C,

 that made her decide her next decision, 

 or if it was the amount of beer that she had already consumed that Sunday...

But she positively knew that one third of the reason was definitely because

 she missed the way Tric had felt when they shared all things sacred.

-------------------------

It was an hour passed midnight when the three of them were all standing in her room. 

She put on music to make the eerie silence disappear and possibly warm up the room with flowing vibes..
Instead of what was really there before them;
Awkwardness.

With the music going in the background she looked around the room at the two guys and thought to herself, 

Wow, this is nothing like porn. 

So she took it upon herself and tried to ease everything into play. 

To her surprise, the two guys were very gentle and very caring. 

They seemed to express a lot of attention and love into each action they displayed.

And to her, that showed that each guy had self love and knew what they wanted and liked. 

She was just happy that they felt so comfortable sharing it with her.  

She was also very thankful that she had chosen the right person to explore such a daring event with together. 

In the end,
once all was tried and true to it's best form, 

she realized something about Tric
that she never really saw before...
He was more then just another one of her guys. 

He may have been forbidden fruit,
 but he was also her dark angel...
Tric was her mentor. 

Her sidekick.

The one who braved things with her.
Her Partner in crimes of the heart. 

And she liked that. 

Because she knew that she was the type who was always curious.

She was the type who didn't believe what she read or heard
 unless she tried it herself without any expectations
 and just went from her heart to understand it for what it meant to her. 

And Tric watched over her. 

He made sure to protect her.

And that's all that mattered to her.
Cause she knew that life only flowed when light and dark worked together.
And every time she was with Tric,
She saw her light through the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 11:11

~Thursday Morning~


She let the text from C, that she woke up to, marinate for a while.
She knew that she needed time to reflect and just gather her true feelings before making any serious decision for the day.
So she went downstairs and made breakfast.

After breakfast and doing her yoga, she was ready to begin her day with a more positive vibe and much clearer thoughts on what she truly desired.
She went to her phone and turned it on and found a text from Eddie waiting for her to open.
Had she really forgotten about the Thursday agreement with Eddie from the day before!?
That's sad, she thought..
Then continued to open his message...

His text read;
"Is 12 noon going to work for you?"

She clutched her heart as if someone just stabbed it!
Ugh! How could she be so mean...

She had C and Eddie on the line waiting...
She had told Tric and Rafferty the other day that she was too busy and tired for anything with them.
And now here was Eddie and C waiting for acknowledgment as well..
But who would she pick?

After thinking about both guys and their perks and flaws...
She realized she really didn't have much of a choice...
Neither looked any better then the other.
With only one exception to differ...
C could kiss her and make her knees weak..
Whereas Eddie never stepped foot near her mouth..
So she made her decision...

She responded,
"Hey Eddie, I'm so sorry to cancel but I was called into work today."
And she hit send...

Almost immediately he wrote back,
"Ok"

And she knew he knew...
That with a crap lie like that...
He'd be gone forever...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much much later that night, around 930pm...
C messages her to come over.
She asked him, if she was picking him up?
He mentions no, it's okay for them to be there because his family is out.
She was very shocked by this but accepted it wholeheartedly because it definitely made things a whole lot easier on her.

As she got into her car, in chimes a text as she is putting his address into her GPS.
"Bring Snacks!"
C writes.

She smiled at the thought...
They had done that one night before at her place.
Watched a movie together and just pigged out on junk before having more fun.
So she writes back,
"Ok!"

Just as she is pulling into his apartment complex, she gets another message.
"My people came home. You will have to climb in my window."

She couldn't believe it!
So she jokes back,
"So basically I'm going to be Romeo?"

He responds with,
"Laugh out loud, yes"

She rolled her eyes...
She had to pee..
Now what!?

Fast forward to window scene...
Oh Romeo! Oh Romeo!
Wherefore art thou Romeo?

"I'm climbing in your window, B*tch! Give me a hand!"

But the bastard did nothing except watch her struggle to climb in his window.

She couldn't believe what a non-caring person he was.
But she took notes.
Mental notes.
C was starting to look like the ugliest Juliet she ever saw!

Then to make matters worse...
He treated her like he was trying to get revenge...
Not during the sex, but just with the way he avoided her during all the time before and after the event.
She knew something was up.
He must have gotten jealous somewhere down the line.
She must have hurt him somewhere.
Nobody is an asshole for no reason.
She knew that much.

But she figured...
He was her reflection.
She wasn't opening her heart to him.
So he reflected the exact same coldness to her in a way she could feel it.

She wanted to be the warrior.
The brave one.
The one without emotions.

Well, She got it.

But she didn't like it.
She knew she had to change.
Otherwise, she would always end up in the same type of situations
only with a different face and different name.

As she left his house...
She made a vow to herself to follow her heart from then on.
To not be so afraid to be real.

Real with her emotions and Real with others.

Which of course...
Stirred the opportunity a chance to be born the very next week!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday Night Monday Morning
(A.K.A. 12am)

Tric messages her!

She had assumed Tric was done with her last week when she declined his request for a threesome with his friend and told him she would rather wait for the date with Eddie.

But Tric was clearly head strong.
He knew never to give up.
He knew that people worked in flows.
and that if he could just find the right flow, he'd slip right into it with ease...

And he must have felt her flow go from disappointment with C to wanting exploration again because he messaged her at 12am Sunday night with...
"My Latino friend is asking about you, are you up for it?"

Chapter Ten

The next five days went by rather slowly...

Aunt Flo had come to visit her and so she was stuck attending to her needs and wants. 

She hated Aunt Flo but thought to herself, 

once a month she really did  need a break to recoup so maybe having the visits wasn't so bad after all. 

Tuesday rolled around and her Aunt Flo had just said goodbye when in chimes a message... 

"Nescisito sexo?"

It was C!

She felt her heart get excited! 

Whereas her mind started to gather facts from fears for her by the thousands...

Though she responded almost instantly regardless... 

"Yes..."

Once she sent it, she felt it... 

The fear... 

It kicked in... 

You responded too fast. 

He's gonna stand you up.

Don't get so excited. 

All these fears kept trying to ruin her good vibe. 

Her heart had gotten excited... 

Why couldn't her mind just go with it? 

So she quieted her mind and told it... 

Listen... 

Even if he doesn't show, or even if it doesn't happen.. 

You will be fine. 

You will enjoy your night. 

And if you really need sex, someone will always be there. 

Never fear. 

The Ego was good, she had to admit that much. 

So she went about her job.
At work... 

She was working the self checkout,
when the red light started to blink at one of the registers.

As she headed to it, she saw him... 

Spiky hair with blonde tips.. 

Thin smooth built body just the way she liked it. 

And a nice silver watch on his wrist which amplified his smooth manly hand.

She always had a thing for hands.. 

She wasn't sure why.. 

But when she saw them it was like she could feel them on her.. 

And his hands looked so sexy and manly that she could feel them doing all kinds of bad things to her!
She snapped herself out of that thought when
she felt her heart speed up...
She wasn't about to let herself get carried away in a fantasy... at least not while she was at work..
As she grounded herself back down to earth,
She approached him and sarcastically asked him, 

"What did you do!?" 

Then she giggled and said, "I'm just kidding, How can I help you?"

He looked at her and let out a soft nervous laugh. 

He seemed shy. 

He was Asian!

This was something new for her!

She flirted the best she could... 

She even left him at one point with a manager and then came back in the end to see if he missed her, and sure enough he did. 

She could tell. 

As he was ready to leave, they both lingered on the 'good-byes'...

She mentioned to him how she admired his watch and he looked rather pleased with the compliment. 

But she couldn't just let that be the end of it so she touched his arm softly and said, 

"I hope you come again." and then she gave his arm a light squeeze. 

He smiled, looked at her and said, 

"I will." 

And there he went. 

Her next fantasy. 

------------------------------------

The night was coming to an end and so was her shift.

And then she remembered C.. 

After she clocked out, she messaged him.

"Am I coming to get you?"

He writes back, 

"I'm in Fairfax right now."

She didn't think and just responded with, 

"Ok, have your friends drop you off at my place."

He responds with 

"Ok"

The night rolls on... 

She finishes making a video, shops, and then is finally at home watching a movie and drinking beer.. 

When she looks at the clock and realizes it's already 1:50am. 

She thinks to herself... 

Did I misunderstand his message?

Was he telling her his location and she told him to have his friends drop him off?

And then it hits her... 

F.........ck!!!! 

She f*cked up utterly!

She picks up her phone immediately and writes, 

"Do you need me to get you?"

But she knew... 

It was too late. 

So she let's her hopes die. 

She turns on TikTok and starts watching all the hot Asian's dancing

when... 

DiNG!

A message!

It's Tric...

She was definitely not expecting that, especially on a Tuesday.night.

Tric was her Friday's... At least that's how she had configured it. 

Tric begins to message her, asking her how she is and how her week was. 

Tric was always so sincere. 

She really liked that about him. 

As they continued to chat, it turned into the usual sexual banter that went back and forth until she finally got tired of it and just basically threw him into a corner. 

"You suck!"

she wrote out of retaliation.

"Good night Tric!"

He must have really felt her slam the door to their invisible communication lines,

because he responded super fast with, 

"No, I'm coming over!"

She was so annoyed, she actually meant it when she wrote, 

"No, just stay with your friends."

But he wasn't taking 'No' for an answer. 

"I'm on my way."

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before responding...

"Ok... Fine... "

--------------------------

As she was waiting for Tric to show up, her mind started to ask her... 

What about C?

She answered that thought with another thought.. 

He's not responding. 

Not her problem she thought. 

But she knew her problem was that she messed up. 

She knew she had a problem. 

She was afraid to be vulnerable.

She never listened to her heart.

She was always trying to protect it with her mind.

She didn't want to seem weak. 

She didn't want to be rejected. 

But this way... 

She self sabotaged herself and anything that could ever really be. 

She knew this. 

So what was she going to do? 

Well right now, she was going to do Tric. 

She knew that much. 

And right as she thought about that, in chimed a message,

"I'm here!"

She walked down stairs and greeted him at the door. 

The greeting was nothing like the greeting with C. 

Tric was more reserved. 

He was forbidden fruit, so he had to maintain his promise to another. 

The sex however was always so incredible! 

Was it because she knew nothing could ever happen between them?
So she knew she couldn't fall prey to the thing called relationships.

Was it because she knew that one day it would all be gone and so she was trying to get the best out of it each time?

Or was it...

The way he handled her? 

Like she was a delicate flower and he didn't want to break what he had.

Was it in the way he allowed himself to feel her,
and her responses to his trusts and touches... 

He knew how to really create a connection.. 

And that is what she desired the most!
Maybe he knew that and made sure to up his game like a pro.
She didn't care.
She was pleased with his deliverance.
Every time.
And that's all that mattered to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, sh*t got REAL...
She woke up to a message from Eddie!
Eddie...
Her here then gone guy.
The one that comes to her with the sweetest of words.
The one that tries to write in English for her the best he could.
Eddie..
the one that never kisses..
Never stays.
Hits it then leaves for a month.
That Eddie.

So she opens his message.
He wants to see her.
She doesn't really know if she wants to or not..
She hadn't even had her coffee yet...
So she writes back...
"When?"

She knew that question would buy her time to really wake up and respond with more confidence.
or perhaps more of a caffeine rush.
Either way... she needed to regroup from seeing Tric when really she was supposed to be with C, whom left her hanging...
Or whom she left hanging somewhere in Fairfax begging for a ride home.

She didn't want to think about that.
She knew she was being ridiculous.
He was a grown a$$ man and could definitely take care of himself.
And with thought, she got the idea to throw him a bone just to see if he'd still act accordingly..
"Sex tonight?" she wrote.
And then hit send...
Out into the void it went!


When she got back upstairs with her coffee in hand, she checked her phone and saw that Eddie responded to her question with a question...

"Want to get together tomorrow?"
She thought about Thursday.
It was her day off.
So she quickly thought...
Why not?
And so she sent her response.
"Sure, sounds good."

---------------------

Later that night just as she was heading home from work,
She gets a message from Tric!
Two days in a row and it's not even Friday...
She thought to herself..
Something's not right...
It wasn't like Tric to be this active.
First thought to cross her mind was,
Trouble in Paradise!

Not her problem, she thought...
Her problem rested right in front of her face.
The text message of...
"My friend wants to do a threesome!"

Her first thought was...
Oh lord, here we go again...
Another awkward moment in the car...
But then she remembered...
She had the house all to herself that night.
So she asks Tric for a photo.
Of course, like a man, he sends photos of body parts and not the actual persons face...
She laughs to herself...
What is it with men?

But so she asks again only being more specific this time.
She gets an actual image.
She was so thankful.
She looks at the picture and thinks to herself,
Not bad.
But then it kicks in...
She has Eddie on the line for the next day.
Does she really want to do this?

Her answer came so quick and so easily...
NO!
She knew she didn't want to.
She knew this was not her idea.
It was Tric's fantasy.
And she also knew she was not here to satisfy anyone's fantasies but her own.

So she responded to Tric with truth.
She told him no,
For the first time.
He was shocked..
He even tried to make her feel bad by saying,
"Why are you being so difficult?"
She didn't care.
Sticks and stones may break the bones
but words never hurt her!
She knew her truth and stood by it proudly.

She told him she had Eddie on the line and that she would rather wait for him...
But she knew that really wasn't the truth either.
Cuz she knew that Tric could please her so much better then Eddie
 since Eddie never kissed her.

------------

As she put down her phone for the night,
She lay in her bed thinking...
What would she do if C wrote her tomorrow?

Would she still go with Eddie?
Or would she pick C?

And she wondered...
Now that she said no to Tric,
Would he come around again?

Then she realized this was all just her fears.
So she let them go with each exhale as she closed her eyes
and let the sandman bring her a dream...

Which of course turned into a nightmare the very next day when she woke up to a message from
C!




  

Chapter NiNE

She looked at her phone for what seemed like hours, 

trying to decipher the miraculously short text message C had sent... 

"Como Estas"

Like a blind detective, she looked through her minds eye and realized how dumb she was being.

Letting her fears lead her like that. 

So she stopped looking at the text message and just responded.

Small chatter began rolling back and forth between them all day long.
Chatter about what they were doing at that exact moment in time.
It went something like this;
"What you doing?"
"Nothing. What you doing ?"
"Nothing. What about now?"
"Work. You?"
"Home. Bored."
So much excitement could hardly be contained in a human, she thought.

Her work day was coming to an end and she finally decided to just throw it out there... 

Want to have sex tonight?"

She wrote.

She didn't know why she did it...

 She knew the sex with C was always lacking connection. 

So why did she always throw the bone at him? 

Did she have an ego mission perhaps? 

Was trying to get a connection going with him a challenge she thirsted for? 

Was she really that intent on winning the game of life? 

Maybe... 

But she didn't think of it that way. 

When she sent out the text, it was because she knew that inside her was an animal that needed to be fed. 

Fed by the act itself... 

The soft yet hungry kiss of the lips.. 

The tender yet electrifying Touch of the fingers.

The feeling of the smooth yet hard body that pressed up against hers...

The arousing smell of cologne and sweat that sparked all her senses to devour and savior each moment as it happened... 

The act was definitely something she came to know all too well. 

But she knew, it was also one of the most dangerous ones too. 

As she was looking up a price on her App for one of her customers, in chimes C's response...

He writes, "Yes!" 

In English... 

She almost dropped her phone, but definitely dropped her train of thought! 

She fumbled to regain herself for the customer whom she could tell knew something was up..

She apologized for her sudden shock and went back to work. 

When her day finally came to an end, she clocked out and text C back. 

"You still up for coming over?"

She makes it home and starts working on her video editing when midnight rolls around. 

Five minutes later she gets a text from C..

"Send me your location."

She was in shock! 

Was this really happening? 

Was he actually making an effort to come to her without her having to pick him up..

Her mind was blown. 

But she regrouped. 

She sends her address and patiently waits for his arrival... 

She is not thinking about the past...

She is only thinking about how great his lips will feel kissing hers. 

How running her hands through his hair will cause a tingle to run through her entire being. 

As she is sitting on her porch stairs waiting, a text message chimes in.
 He's arrived!
She doesn't even get a chance to put her phone away when she hears his voice.
As she looks up from her phone, she sees that he is already right in front of her!
She feels her heart skip a beat and jumps up and into his arms and just starts kissing him passionately.
He's caught off guard at first but then responds almost instantly with equal hunger.
He pushes her up against the wall
and they kiss like two starved wild animals that just pounced upon fresh meat!

 As their kiss ignited more sparks inside her and the flames began to become too big to contain, she opened her eyes and realized that they were still outside.
She knew she couldn't devour him in front of the whole neighborhood,
so, she took him by the hand and lead him inside her Palace...

The night went down rather well from that point on. 

For the first time... 

She felt a connection... 

They looked in each others eyes and there it was.. 

Words unspoken being heard in the silence...

She allowed herself to feel it for about 10 seconds,
but then her fear kicked in and the moment disappeared...

Just like that.

And she saw it go..

Poof!!!
Gone.

But at least she felt it..

That there was a moment of it. 

And she knew... 

Sometimes a moment is so much more then a lifetimes worth. 

She was content with that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, the world began to turn again.. 

C needed to be dropped off but he got all angry because he woke up late.

She knew it was not her fault so she took no responsibility for his outrage.

Instead she stayed in her happy place and just let him fume out his frustrations by letting him pick the music as they drove.

Once they got to his place, she gave him a hug goodbye but could tell by the way he hugged her that he was not  feeling at peace. 

Not her problem, she thought. 

Her only real problem was the HUGE hickey he had left for her to deal with on her neck! 

She couldn't believe how big it actually was until she got a glimpse in the mirror when she had gotten home. 

She didn't understand men... 

Why would they mark a woman they didn't want to have a relationship with?

So she looked at the hickey and thought.. 

Yes, he had marked her like a dog marks a tree
 and every inch of the sidewalk when you take it out to pee. 

But why?
She needed to know.
Was he punishing her because he saw Tric's message chime in that one day?
Was he marking his territory to maybe rub it in another guys face?

Whatever the reason,
somehow the hickey had made her feel like she was being chained.
She didn't like that.
She liked her freedom and this hickey was like a scarlet letter!

She fumed inside...
Did he just cast the first stone!?
She was not happy with that thought.
She text him later that day..
"Why did you do it?"she asked.

He didn't have an answer for her other then,
, "I'm not mad at you. You can go see other guys if you want."
She rolled her eyes so far back that she thought they were going to get stuck!

She saw his game.
But what she also knew, is that her other guy...
He didn't care if she had men.
He actually encouraged it!
So she knew she had nothing to get worked up about.
She had won either way and that to her was a checkmate.

And so she was back to being content again.

Maybe...

Chapter 888

~9:30pm Thursday night~

She looked at the clock and decided... 

To just take a shower and call it a night, 

when not even 10 minutes later, in chimed a message from Rafferty.

"I'm off work, heading home, want to meet up for a drink?"

She looked at the message in disbelief. 

But then again,
 she knew that when men wanted something, they were very active to get it. 

On the contrary,
She also knew that when she wanted something, she was sure to get it as well... 

With that thought in mind,
she thought about what she needed right then and now
and she realized that she hadn't had a beer in a while,
 so yes, she could use a few free beers. 

Then she thought about the other end of the stick... 

Was Rafferty worth getting and giving? 

He was a good looking man, she wasn't denying that. 

However, this would be her first experience with someone older then herself. 

So she was up for the experience.

She text him back, 

"Sure, where do you have in mind?"

He mentions not knowing the area too well and asked her to pick a destination.
She figured the closer the better in case the date went really bad and she had to bolt.
So she picked the bar right up the road.

Even though she had to ix-nay on the shower, she still had the common decency to change her outfit into something suitable which represented her personality.
However, when Rafferty shows up, he is in sweats and a tee shirt talking bout how he was just looking to relax.

She had nothing against relaxing, but to her, going to a bar with a chick to relax was not really smart.
She doesn't care though, she's getting her beer and that's kinda all that really mattered.
Three beers into conversation and she learned that Raff was a Taurus, which to her explained the idea of relaxing which he spoke of.
Already she knew the energy was off in that area.
She was a wild child.
She loved to explore and adventure.
She was spontaneous and loved to dance around a fire!
Even if she had to create the fire herself...
She laughed at that thought.

Then by nights end, she realized Raff was just a tad bit too on the serious side.
He didn't really understand her light sense of humor and was offended by her ability to be carefree.
These were all very important aspects of her personality and she was definitely not about to change herself for anyone.

So she closed the date with,
 "thank you for the night".
But she knew...
that's all it was,
One Night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two days later,
She is working on her Spanish lesson, when in chimes a text from Tric!
To her surprise, he was up for a little round of let's see what we can do differently.

He mentions to her he is out with a co-worker friend and that he couldn't see her unless she didn't mind the friend watching.

Tric couldn't see her jaw drop to the floor since he was on the other side of the phone, but she was literally in shock...
She regained herself and picked up her jaw off the floor...
She text him back...
"What does your friend look like?"

He sends a picture but to her disgusted surprise, it's definitely not a profile picture.
She couldn't believe her eyes!
What was wrong with men!
Yeeck!!!

So she texts him back with,
"Eewww That doesn't help! I'm a woman, I don't get turned on by that!"
He apologizes respectfully but then goes to add,
"He's bigger then me, I think."

To which she immediately responds,
"No, I was actually thinking how small he really is!"

She never understood that about men...
How they always wanted to compare themselves
 and how to them 'big' was not just a word but an ego trip.

And it seemed to her,
that Tric lived in his mind most of the times,
 except when he was with her for those few, short, but intense intimate moments.
And that is what drew her to him every single time.

"Are you coming?" He asked.
She felt weird about it,
but had never done anything like it before so decided to just go from her heart in each now moment.
And right now Tric was asking if she was coming...
She replied,
"I'll be there soon."

The rest of the night didn't really go as she had expected.
For one, it was a small car so not much could happen.
And for two...
There was a very weird awkwardness that initiated between Her and Tric.
The whole time it went something like,
"Do you want to?"
"Only if you do"
"umm, no i'm good?
"yeah me too?
And so to make matters easier, she thought to herself...
Oh Jesus! Never mind! Lets just do it and forget he's even here!

And so it went down just like that.

When all was did and done,
The three of them took a moment to regroup.
She sat between the two boys and began the conversation.
She was good at that.
Just 'shooting the Sh*t' as people called it.
But she realized as she was chatting it up with the fresh meat,
Tric made a gesture towards her.
He leaned in and kissed her shoulder and just gave her attention she really never thought was possible.
It definitely threw her off guard.
She was pretty good at owning her independence,  but somehow with that one gesture, Tric had stripped her defenseless!

She stopped talking and just leaned towards him, kissed and hugged him.
It was the first time she allowed herself to feel someone else's energy.
And to her surprise, it felt really good.

But of course... Reality always has to kick her in the face...
And reality hit when Tric was dropping her off at her car.
"We got into an arguement", he says to her.
"It was bad, but I don't want to talk about it."

And there it was..
The forbidden fruit.
Kicked back into reality, just like that.


-------------------------------

Two days go by and work is crazy busy.
Her life on the other hand is flowing rather well.
She found a new hobby and was really enjoying her self expression through it.
When...
Out of the blue,
She gets a text message.
"Como Estas"
...

It was C.

Chapter Seven

She was walking up a pretty steep hill at her favorite hiking spot and was thinking about all the things that had went down in her first month to the new year.

Most of it was ego stuff. 

Giving out too much and not caring enough about what she was blessed with.. 

So she knew where she had to make adjustments... 

But then she came upon a tree. 

Two trees actually. 

And to her, it looked like one of the trees was bending over backwards. 

And she laughed a little... 

Then immediately grabbed her phone and began taping. 

She spoke a tale of Herman and Betty Lou. 

And she said, Betty Lou has this issue of bending over backwards for her men.

But that is not good. 

Then she continued to observe the trees and explained... 

You see how thin Betty Lou is? 

She doesn't care much about herself as she does Herman and therefore she is losing her power. 

Her life to live.

 

 Just as she was wrapping up her story with, 

Equality being super important in relationships... 

she realized she was talking to herself. 

Mother Nature had a funny way of talking to her. 

But she got the message.

Loud and clear!

As she continued her hike, thoughts of Tric resurfaced. 

She realized Mother was trying to tell her something. 

She still wanted Tric. 

She knew that much. 

She may have pushed him away but inside she hadn't let go. 

She thought back on the story of Herman and Betty Lou and realized... She made the mistake. 

She lost sight of the truth. 

The truth that attachment happens when she lets herself bend over backwards for men. 

Tric, C, Eddie, or whoever. 

The cycle would always be the same only with a different face and different name.

So, for her new month coming up... she made a promise to herself... 

She was going to put herself first. 

And she was going to speak her truth and listen to her heart.

It was definitely a lot to live up to, but she was always up for a challenge. 

Speaking of challenges... 

Her next one came not long after her hike was finalized and she was at home relaxing and watching a movie. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His name was Rafferty. 

They worked together at the same place but not together together. 

Rafferty worked in the back whereas she worked in the front always. 

They ran into each other most times during breaks. 

They threw small chit chatter back and forth here and there. 

But last week, Rafferty asked her for her number. 

She really was not thinking about it because she had a rule for herself that she stuck by very seriously. 

She does not and will not ever date a co-worker. 

Her job was very important to her and she had a belief that men in the workplace only dated women "in a serpentine effort to turn a lady into a whore."

She had heard those words in a movie once, but they stuck with her forever!

Rafferty asks her for her phone number and she looked at him with disbelief. 

He tries to explain himself. 

He needs friends. 

He is here alone. 

She knew it was all excuses. 

No one was here alone. 

But then again... 

She was. 

She realized she wasn't being very fair and instead was leading with her fears. 

So she gave Raff her number. 

Raff was Spanish. 

She figured she could at the least get Spanish lessons out of him with their new found friendship.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As she was watching her movie that night, She gets a text from Rafferty. 

He writes, "Hi!" 

She responds with "Hola!" Trying to take advantage of the Spanish lessons right away. 

He writes back in Spanish asking her if he gets off work early enough, if she would like to get a drink with him.

And so the challenge was up in the air... 

Was she going to take it?

 

And why was she still hoping Tric would text her?

 

Was it her fear? 

or 

Was it something else? 

. 

. 

 

Chapter Six and a Half

Two weeks go by and all she gets is a few snap chat images of C at work and Most times at home drinking or out at a bar drinking.

She starts to realize just how boring he really is. Work and drink, work and drink.

No ounce of interest displays in any of his snaps other then booze and sitting on a couch watching sports.

However.. one time he does send a snap where he is by a river at a park so that kind of intrigues her, but still not enough to say, wow! Here's a keeper.

As for Tric, she comes to find out he is not feeling well so she leaves him alone too for the rest of the two weeks.

She has time to focus more on her health and healing and starts to realize a lot of things that she was not really paying attention to about herself because she got so carried away in the needs of these guys.

She realized that she was always there for them when they wanted her, yet when she needed them they were either too busy with work or friends or just whatever other thing came to them.

And this made her really start to contemplate her own self worth.

Why was she continuing to be there for them when they needed her? When they were never there for her when she needed them?

So she decided to throw in a test for herself...

She decided... That right now... She needed a release...

 Two weeks of all work and no play had all the tensions flying about in her and she needed some fun to release all the built up tensions some how.

 So she threw a text out at C.

Very blunt. Very to the point.

No confusions to be had..

Just plain truth.

She wrote...

"Come see me, I need sex."

Usually C only came to her on Saturday nights since he was off Sunday's... But She sent this very text On Monday Night when he is usually asleep.

Tuesday morning, She wakes up and does her thing then gets ready for work.

In chimes a message from C.

"I can see you tonight."

The text had been answered!

 And then it hit her.. 

She had been doing things wrong all along. 

She was thinking too much about things.

 And by thinking about things too much, she created an attachment to these guys. 

She learned that attachment happens when giving too much overpowers receiving, and that was exactly what she was doing with both of these guys.

She decided right then and there that she was going to take her power back. 

It was that simple. 

So she looked at the text.

"I could see you tonight."

And she wrote back...

"Where do I pick you up at?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She got to the bar where C was at and sent him a text. 

"I'm here."

He comes staggering out of the bar... 

She laughed so hard, then got out of her car to help him before he fell over. 

She completely lost all respect for him right then and there and was thinking... 

Should she just tell him to go back to his friends? 

But she decided otherwise cuz she already made the trip to get him. 

In the words of most Americans, 

she thought, 

Let's just get this over with. 

Thirty minutes later, 

She was so dissatisfied with their third shot at emotionless connection lacking intimacy, that she could hardly wait to drop him off at his own house! 

When she got back to her own house she began to write in her diary..

Dear Diary,

OMG! NEVER AGAIN WILL I DO THAT MISTAKE! 

Two days go by and she gets a chance to regroup. 

She's enjoying her day off when in chimes a message from Tric!

She was expecting the usual sexual banter from him, but to her surprise he started off pretty concerned.

He asked how she was and how things were. 

Then it came...

"Did you and the boyfriend make up? "

She wasn't going to lie...

"Kind of..."

Meaning... 

She knew that C wasn't a boyfriend... number one. 

And number two, they did have sex but it didn't make him a keeper. 

And Tric knew this. 

Or did he? 

She didn't care.

She had a way of screwing with his head. 

She would tell him she was interested in C, when really she wasn't.

But why did she do that? 

She knew exactly why.. 

Her ego was trying to score points again.

But she knew... 

It was getting too dangerous. 

Way too out of hand. 

She felt it... 

The attachment trying to grow again.

She had to cut it off. 

SO... she decided to throw in a test out again.. 

When he mentioned he could see her that night, 

She responded with a casual, 

"sure, just text me."

However, that night came and went and she never got a text.

Until super super late that very next evening.

But by that time she was already fast asleep in her own bed, alone.

Tric had Failed her. 

Casual sex is a two way street. 

But it was very evident to her that with Tric, sex only worked on

His time.

 His terms.

 His needs. 

Forbidden Fruit or not, he was quickly rotting before her very eyes. 

The next morning when she woke up, she received his text from 3am... He wondered where her text was.

She blatantly wrote, 

"they expired Thursday night."

She was done doing things when they wanted.

Only if they considered her equal...

Only then can the ball go back and forth.

But so far, she realized that C's balls were always deflated and lacked bounce... 

And Tric just took his balls and ran with it expecting her to chase him.

She knew she was better than that. 

Chapter Five

As she got into bed... She hated that tugging feeling... That feeling of regret. 

She really wanted to see Tric, but she told him No...
She remembers saying to him...

"I want to see where this goes..."  

She was never one to want to cement anything. 

Why now? 

And why with C? 

She knew he wasn't a connection, just fun.  

So why push away Tric like that? 

She decided not to think about it and closed her eyes. 

The week flows by as does her monthly curse so she is pretty much grounded and doesn't mind not seeing anyone. 

However, Friday night arrives and she is once again ready to SOAR!

She's out looking for something to wear dancing and starts thinking about Tric. 

Friday nights always started their unions depending on if it was slow at his overnight job. 

After saying no to him the weekend before, she realized she craved him. 

So boldly she picked up her phone and text him... 

"I'm craving you so bad right now."

And then went back to picking out her outfit from the store for that night. 

As she is trying on her clothes in the fitting room she gets a text!

It's from C.

"Me and my Amigos are going out tonight. Will I see you there?"

She responds excitedly,

"Definitely!"

Fast forward to that night.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She's at her favorite place and is on her second beer, 

but, still no sign of C. 

She continues the night and dances her best dances. 

She really enjoyed the beats they were dropping that night.
It brought out the wild side of her in each and every single movement.
  

An hour and a half later though, she's ready to hit the road. 

yet there's still no sign of C. 

As she is walking out of the club, she runs into the doorman and security guard. 

The doorman asks her, 

"Where's your boyfriend?"

She replies with a smirk, 

"I'm single."

Then throws the question back at him,

"What about you?"

He says, "Same."

He leans in real close to her and whispers in her ear, 

"I saw you out there dancing... you are really good!"

She blushed and smiled at the compliment.

Then softly said, "That's not all I'm good at."

and bit her lower lip lightly. 

She knew she was good... 

Sometimes too much.

As she left the club and got back in her car, she picked up her phone and turned it on. 

A message from C was there. 

"Sorry. Could't make it. We got too drunk to go." 

She immediately thought, "Typical adolescent."

Then started driving happily. 

The compliment from the doorman was enough to fuel her into the sky! 

She was singing along with her music blaring when a text popped up on her GPS screen.

"Text me"

It was Tric!

Her insides got sparked so high she thought she was going to explode!

She pulls over to the side of the road and texts him back. 

They meet up in their usual spot and share the most erotic of meetings since the beginning of their rendezvous adventures. . 

She thought to herself... I guess abstinence does make the heart grow fonder? 

And then she realized just how drunk she really was to even think that, and laughed at her drunken thoughts. 

As she was driving down the road, her mind went into overdrive and began thinking too much.

She couldn't get over the fact that there could be such a huge difference...
She thought about how amazing Tric felt.
Each kiss.
Each thrust..
The sound of his voice, their breathing together..
Everything was so in sync.
It just flowed..
Like the river she stood next to when she first chanced upon him at the park...

So why wasn't it the same with C?
With C she had more times together.
She went more places with C.
She had more similar interests with C.
Yet the sex with C was off...
Way off..
The connection didn't touch her soul
Like Tric did...

She wondered...
Was it because Tric was forbidden fruit?
But that was only earthly.
And she lived in her spiritual mind...
She imagined...
Maybe their souls were at one time connected before and that was what she was feeling each time..

But this was NOW
 and he was taken.
And so she stopped wondering.
It was time she took off the rose colored glasses she took from Neptune
and came back down to Earth.
She snapped herself out of her dream world state,
and just decided to thank the Universe for giving her the Fairy Tale ending to the remainder of her highly entertaining night.
She quickly recapped it..
Vagabond C had left her tied to the train tracks of the Loveless Express
when Prince Tric came to the rescue, untied her and made wild passionate love to her like a real Prince could.
She was satisfied with that thought...

For Now...