The Continuing Saga Of the Lost

It seemed like all that was had,
 burned away.
Nothing left but ashes.
When she looked back on all that was,
all she saw was smoke.

She realized that she was burning like a fire with all these guys.
Her fear was fueling each meeting.
Each chance.
Each opportunity.

Except one.

No matter how much she tried to put an end to one.
It never left her.
It found a way to keep burning.

Tric.

----------------------------------------------------

- RealityCheck -

-101-

The end of spring and the coming of summer, brought a huge revelation to her already

burned out ego... 

She had been running on fear the entire time with all these guys. 

Her heart only truly wanted one guy. 

The one that was a mirror of her true self. 

Not the fearful one. 

And it took her a lot of running around, running from her fears, only to continue feeding

them every turn she took. 

Until one day she got sick. 

Her mind took a huge hit. 

Her heart was screaming to her. 

Telling her she was worthy of what she truly wanted. 

Someone to share a life with. 

Not someone who wanted to change her. 

Just someone who liked her as she was. 

C was the one who had her heart. 

She met him at her favorite dance club. 

He had similar interests as her. They went hiking and had coffee together.

They watched a movie together.

They laughed together and danced and just snuggled.

He even marked her with a hickey and 

she adored it... 

Which she never used to cuz she knew it was a marking the territory type of thing.

But not with C. 

She felt it as a show of Love... 

So why did she destroy it?

Why did she run from it?

Why couldn't she allow it to blossom?

FEAR.

Fear of not being good enough.

Fear of being left for a better woman.

Fear of being old.

Fear of being cheated on.

The list can go on.

Fear is what led her to run after outside validation.

But the truth was... 

The outside validation from jumping guy to guy,

 did nothing to calm the burning desire to be loved by only one...

 Herself. 

So in the summer of 2020,

she got sick. 

She had to make a choice between

LIFE

and

DEATH.

Life was the path of learning to love herself as she was for who she was.

Death was the path of continuing to believe that love was 'out there'.

She chose LIFE.

And she cut off all the guys..

including C... 

Because she knew that what was broken could only be fixed 

with time and space.

Letting go was the only way to heal. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

So Why Tric? 

Tric continued to hang on to her... 

And as much as she wanted to deny it, a part of her still clung

to him...

They chanced upon each other once again come the end of the year.

After being cured of her sickness. 

and learning he was clean too, 

she jumped on yet another fear... 

Fear that she needed to stick with the tried and true in order to stay safe

from getting sick again... 

But something inside her kept calling to her... 

C... 

What was it trying to tell her? 

C was long gone. 

C was just a memory now... 

And then it hit! 

 C was her heart. 

C was what her heart wanted out of a relationship. 

Not so much C himself, but what C represented to her.

An equal partner with a matching shared idea or goal. 

And Tric didn't have that. 

Tric already had a life. 

She was just the side dish. 

It took a lot for her to accept herself, but she finally did. 

She cut Tric off with her truth. 

She wanted to share her love with another who also had the same desires.

***In chimes Eddie!*** 

...to be continued

 

Chapter Fourteen

Five days had come and gone just as her Aunt Flo had done. 

Yet still no word from Tric.
However, she figured that he knew Aunt Flo was in town and was probably avoiding a run in with that lady killer.  

Plus, On another note,  

Tric was also her Friday nights, and it was only Tuesday, 

So she wasn't going to allow herself to get too worried.
At least not yet.

And really, she didn't even have time to think much about it since she had so many other things pop up all over the place to keep her plenty occupied. 

First, Eddie had rang her Tuesday morning asking for a visit, 

But since she was visiting with her Aunt Flo,

  she told him to try again

Thursday night. 

Then on Tuesday night, she ran into Rafferty.

Rafferty of all people! 

He was the co-worker that tried once before, 

but it flopped completely. 

Rafferty bumped into her in the parking lot as she was heading to her car after a somewhat  pretty interesting day..

He began to ask her if she was up for getting together Wednesday night.

She hesitated.. 

She really did not want to. 

She fumbled for excuses. 

When in chimes a message...
DiNG! 

She looked at her phone and was so happy to see she got a text message!
Or 'ammo' as she thought of it.
 She needed to shoot down Rafferty quick and this was just the thing to do it!  

She turns to Rafferty and says, 

"I have to take this call, it's important. I'm sorry. text me tomorrow!" 

And with that, she turned and went to her car.

When she got to her car, she opened the message from Gordo.

"Want to go get a drink?"

Gordo... 

Who was Gordo? 

Gordo was this fiesty lion... But behind the big bushy mane was a sweet sentimental cat purring for attention. 

She met him at work. 

She wasn't interested in him as anything other then a friend. 

Someone she was able to talk to openly and honestly.

She didn't judge him and he didn't judge her. 

So it worked out really well. 

And somehow, he reflected her. 

She saw her fears in his stories. 

And she believed that a lot of her stories reflected a lot of his fears as well. 

  

She wrote him back...
"Sure. Where?"

--------------------------

Sitting at the pub just up the road from her house,
Gordo was listening very intently on her story about Chase.


---CHASE---

Chase had come through her line one evening while she was at work.
 He was buying cigarettes, but somehow the two of them just clicked.
They began flirting like crazy back and forth as she was ringing him up, annoying most of the customers in line for taking so long.
Chase was so easy going and liked to laugh, which she really admired since she liked to laugh too.
And she really liked his semi asian look since he was from El Salvador.
And even though he was Spanish, he knew English very well, which to her was a relief from all the guys she had met who only smile and nod when they were together.

Just as he was getting ready to leave her register, he asked for her number.


----------------------------


She continued to tell Gordo about how Chase had contacted her earlier in the day.
And how he wanted to meet up with her that night.
However, since Chase worked early mornings, by the time she got off work,
he had already fallen asleep.
She understood that very well,
because she sometimes would fall asleep waiting for Tric in exactly the same way.

Her and Gordo continued to drink and talk about relationships and ex's.
Issue after issue...
When finally the bar had called it's last round and were on their way to kicking the two of them out.
She couldn't believe how long they had been talking!
But Gordo was a Leo and Leo's tend to be very good listeners as well as very good communicators.
As they were heading to their cars, they stopped to finish up a story.
She felt the cold wind blowing against her the entire time and she began to shiver.
She says to Gordo, Let's go to the car and finish talking there.
I'm getting really cold.
He agrees.

While in his car, they continue to talk and somehow they get onto a topic of sex and ex's.
Somehow, talking about sex threw a challenge in the air.
Gordo mentions to her that no one can turn him on, except if he wants it.
And for her, that statement sounded like a challenge her Ego was happy to burst.
She looks at him and asks,
"So, if I were to kiss you right now, nothing would happen?"

He must have not been expecting her to be so forward because he choked and fumbled with his next few words...
and as he's trying to explain himself, she leans over and starts to kiss him.
He doesn't stop her.
But a lion and a fish can only go so far.
When land and water meet,
they can only mirror each other.

And she knew she had a rule for herself.
No co-workers.
And so she stopped it there.
They both agreed to keep it strictly friendship.

--------------------------------


The next day, as she is working her evening shift,
She receives a message from C...
Her heart practically jumps up into her throat but gets stuck because she remembers the way he had treated her the last time they had a chance to be together.

She hesitates to write back.
But still does.
"Hola! Como estas?"

He writes back and then not long after his response adds the question...
"Want to come over tonight?"

She couldn't believe him!
A whole month had passed since he was super mean to her.
He never apologized.
Yet, now he is expecting her to jump on over!

The Final Chapter

Three days after she had called Tric a F*ckboy, she really didn't expect to hear fom him for a while. 

And indeed she didn't. 

But she did get a text from Chase.

She knew Chase from the summer of 2019. 

She met him at her store. 

He had come through her line asking to buy cigarettes. 

She remembers carding him because he looked so young. 

And when she saw his picture, she made a silly remark which obviously triggered his attention and excitement cuz he asked her for her number not long after she finished ringing him up. 

But just as with all summer romances, once the sun goes out,

so does all that ever was.

Back to reality though,

 she looks down at her phone and reads Chase's message. 

He's looking to hook back up. 

But he does so by throwing the ball in her court. 

He asks, 

"Do you miss me?"

She responds with, 

"Do you want me to?"

From there he pretty much spills his truth..

He says to her that he misses her and wants to have sex one last time. 

She thinks for a second... 

And tells him, 

"Aunt Flo is visiting... try again in two days."

The day after tomorrow comes rather quick and sure enough Chase hits her up right away. 

He sends the dreaded question, 

"Do you want to come over tonight?" 

She reads his words and immediately Tric pops into her head. 

She looks at her phone... she goes through the messages between her and Tric in the last week that  passed. 

Nothing was coming together. 

He kept wanting to only see her in a threesome.

She suggested many times they just get together, but he always wanted another person along. 

She let out a slow breath of defeat...

Who was she kidding? 

Herself only. 

Darling Neptune had blinded her once again with illusion and delusion. 

Tric had someone. 

He had a family. 

He didn't want her. 

He just wanted her when he needed something. 

She snapped herself back into the now moment and took off the rose colored glasses. 

Truth was, 

Tric never even responded.

No apology.

No explanation.

No arguement.

Not a care in the world... 

So she answered Chase back. 

"Why not. I'll see you soon." 

---------------------------------

Two days Later, It's Friday Night!

Friday nights were what always started it all! 

And after midnight,

 the real show would begin.

It was nearly 9pm, when she was getting ready to dress up for her main event when she received a text from Tric.

Finally she thought! 

After 7 days of not hearing from him. 

He texts her with, 

"Hello. How are you doing?"

She responds with the usual small talk and lets him know she is going out for the evening to her favorite dance bar. 

He tells her to have a great time but then proceeds to asking her... 

"Have you been with anyone?"

For some reason, that question always made her feel like she hit a brick wall... 

And it wasn't because she was afraid to tell him the truth. 

She knew she wasn't. 

But what always stopped her dead in her tracks was the questions of... 

Why does he care? 

Why is he asking?

Why does he even want to know? 

She thought about this. 

If Tric really didn't see her as anything other then a woman to have sex with... 

Then why bother to ask about others in her life? 

Especially if he made it perfectly clear that he was happy with the life he had. 

She knew, that somewhere Tric wasn't being totally honest with himself. 

While she was thinking about what to say, 

Tric adds, 

"I won't mind if you did. I'm just asking."

And so with that bone he threw at her, she went ahead and called his bluff.

"Yes, I saw Chase."

Of course with that, he went into his usual questioning, 

Then ended the conversation with, 

"I want to see you after you finish dancing."

After 1:30am, she was finished with her rounds of dancing and was ready to head back out. 

She was actaully really excited to see Tric that night. 

It was her birthday and she had honestly wished to see him earlier that day before they had started talking.

When she had reached her house she text him and they met up at their usual spot. 

She was so excited and happy to see him, 

but he was back to being more reserved. 

She realized that he didn't really want to kiss her. 

He wasn't really responding to her touches. 

And after four beers, she really wasn't putting two and two together, until the next morning. 

when she realized that maybe... 

Just maybe... 

She really had called his bluff and it had been revealed before her. 

She figured one of two things... 

Either 

ONE

Tric really didn't like that she went with another guy unless he planned it himself, or could be around during it to watch and control how it played out to his advantage. 

or 

TWO

He actually started to catch feelings for her... 

Her heart wanted it to be number two.

 But she knew he was forbidden fruit 

and that he had already told her straight up he was happy with another. 

So who was she kidding? 

Once again, only herself. 

Therefore she didn't say anything. 

She thanked him for a wonderful night and went on her merry way. 

The next night, Tric text her again. 

Only this time he was very unsure. 

She tried to get things rolling and held her hopes up for them to start rolling on their own eventually.

However as the night progressed, 

Tric just started to get more and more faded. 

She was out at the bar with her roommate, Jo-ann, that night.

Just drinking and chatting and laughing it up like girls usually do. 

Her roomie was waiting on her man to call her over just like she was waiting on Tric to do the same. 

The two of them decided to make a short video and send it to Tric. 

Not even five minutes after sending the video, 

Jo-ann's man called and picked her up.

She was left at the bar alone. 

She picked herself up and went home and just crashed into bed. 

The next morning she awakens to a text from Tric. 

He asks, 

"Which bar did you two go to?" 

She messages him back which bar and he responds with, 

"Your roommate is hot! I'd do her! She's more my age!"

{Insert many daggers here} 

Because that is how her heart had felt with those words! 

At the time, she didn't think about it. 

She just reacted. 

"You can have her, cuz I'm done with you. Goodbye Tric."

Being stabbed, she drew her sword and threw it... 

She didn't even care if it hit him.

Because she was in her fight or flight mode.

And the one thing she was good at,

 was turning from a situation and running away. 

But then later that day, it hit her... 

it always does. 

She couldn't help it. 

Her mind was working over time... 

Plotting and scheming ways to move on and forget him...  

But her heart kept pushing... 

If he was a reflection of her truth... 

What was he reflecting? 

And then she saw it... 

Her fear of being honest and truthful with her heart, words, and actions to another and  

Especially with herself! 

And there it was. 

Her lesson. 

Always speak your truth. 

First to yourself.

And then to others. 

THE

     End....

Unless.... 

Chapter 13

The next night, she came home from work only to get a text from Tric asking her for a round two of the night before's shenanigans...

She thought about the  Croatian guy.. 

And how he was kissing her...

And how she didn't like it. 

Somehow, kissing another guy, and then kissing Tric, just didn't seem to work for her. 

So she declined the offer at hand. 

Tric kept trying to convince her by repeatedly saying how this other guy really wanted her again. 

But she knew... If she did it, 

the guy would only get more attached. 

And she just didn't feel the vibe flow with him. 

She reassured Tric of her decision not to go forth with it. 

So Tric left her alone for two nights and a day.

Then he text her again Thursday night.

This time he had a new en-devour for her to contemplate.

She had just gotten home from a night of fun dancing at her favorite club and was feeling really happy and alive, so when she had received his message she immediately responded with, "Okay, sure!" 

She really didn't know what exactly made her say "sure" to Tric's proposition,

 but she had said yes, and what was said could not be taken back without repercussions...

She knew that much.

She also knew the doubts trying to arise in her were only her fears trying to repress her.

This was no time for fear to take over,

 she was having a great night.

 so she flowed with it instead. 

As the night rolled on, she got her sexiest outfit on and asked Tric to pick her up since she was feeling the beers kick in high gear after getting home. 

Tric was more then happy to comply. 

And she really liked that! 

She let herself think,

 "My Hero!"

 like a little girl would think after being saved from something super small.

But she knew she was too masculine in thought sometimes and so she allowed herself to think like a female,

 just this once.

When they got to the location 15 minutes after driving,

 they both went up to the house of a small Latino Asian looking guy.

She thought for a moment about how she had been watching a lot of TikTok videos lately and all the Asian boys that she found Hot, somehow manifested into the face of this small Latino guy standing at the doorway... 

The night was playing tricks on her, that's for sure.. But she didn't care. 

She wanted this fantasy played out...  

She knew she was walking into the underworld.

Into another dimension.

Into a plane above and beyond reality. 

But she liked it. 

It was something Unknown! 

And there was something very exciting and intriguing about not knowing...

It was a limitless experience waiting to be born.

Anything was possible. 

And she was feeling a lot of love within her. 

So she knew that by going from her heart with every decision before her that night, 

only love could manifest for her. 

-------------

As they walked up a winding set of stairs, 

she couldn't help but feel like Alice in Wonderland... 

Only she was falling up the rabbit hole not down.

She completely ignored the fact that the whole house was dark.

That there was clothes and toys laying around at almost every turn.

But she wasn't there to judge. 

When they got to the room, 

The real story began. 

This guy didn't jump on her mouth like the last guy. 

She liked that.

It made her more comfortable with the situation, 

especially since Tric was the only one she wanted to allow a taste of her lips.  

Some how she knew that kissing was sacred... 

That it was the door to the heart. 

And even though Tric was forbidden fruit, 

they still shared tiny secrets here and there and that made it all the more exciting. 

She was getting to know the dark side of Tric. 

The side that he hides from fear of being rejected. 

She accepted this part of him. 

Because he in turn accepted her dark side as well.

And with that acceptance came a great freedom that only allowed limitless opportunities to be felt and experienced and shared together without the need to control. 

And that was more then she could ever create from fear.   

In the end,

things definitely played out much differently this time around

 and she realized just how much Tric was really capable of correlating.

---------------------------

Later that night...

As Tric was driving her home, he shared a song with her and she really didn't know how to react.

She fumbled for words... but that only made her seem like a rambling drunk. 

So she gave up... 

She laid her head on his shoulder.
To her great surprise, he pressed his head to hers!

She was in shock! 

She wasn't expecting such a response. 

She always knew she was the one doing all the motions.
Him not reacting to them was what she was expecting.
But why?

She wasn't going to answer that.
Not now at least.
But she did catch herself freak out and move almost instantly.
And she just looked at him dumbfounded.

Boy... she must have really been drunk.
But she knew she wasn't.
She was afraid...
Afraid that there was something...
and she was never good at that..
So she sabotaged it.
Cuz she was really good at that.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Days after their last meet up just kept rolling by.
Tric tried to get things planned and rolling but each time something didn't work out right.
Nothing seemed to be connected after that one night.

Then one day,
Tric asked her, "Have you been with anyone since that night?"
She responded with a simple, "No."
Then went on to say...
"But I did run into this guy at the store."

She knew why she was telling him...
It wasn't because he was asking...
It was to push him.
But manipulation always had a way of back-firing.

She tells Tric,
"I think he's a lot like you."
to which he immediately took offense and barked back,
"What's that supposed to mean?"

She laughed to herself when she read it..
She knew he knew...
It wasn't a put down.
It was the truth.
Sometimes people need to be true to themselves.
And accept that it's okay to be who they really are..

And that is who she was..
The woman that accepted their truth.
Without judgment.
Without criticism.
Without expectation.

but then again... that last part..
Without expectation...
Was that really true?
If she really wasn't expecting anything...
Then why play the manipulation card?

And if Tric really didn't have any expectations with her,
then why ask about others in her life?

This was becoming a bit too dangerous, she thought.

-------------------------

Several days go by and she hears from Tric almost every day that passes
But never do they actually get the chance to meet up.
Nothing seems to come together.
Frustration begins to build.
With Tric always teasing her about getting together
 then it never actually happening
really starts to take a toll on her precious ego.

So one morning when Tric is asking her again if she wants to get together...
She completely flips her lid.
She's that short stout little tea pot
that just boiled over!

She actually has the nerve to call him a
'F*ckboy'!!!!

Sometimes, she doesn't even know where these words come to mind from, but in the heat of the moment, they just roll right out of her!
She continues to add,
"You only care about yourself."

She was so done with it..
Letting herself give him what he wanted, but never getting anything in return.

His only response was...
"Wow"...

Typical male response.
But she knew...
He was going to do one of two things...

Either:
One...
He was going to vanish for a few days..
Basically avoiding her in all ways possible
in hopes that after five days of not seeing or hearing from him,
 she would forget the fact that she was upset and take him back with open arms.
And possibly an apology.


or
Two...
Her words would stay with him for several days, each time triggering more anger inside him until it
finally broke his ego will.
Leaving him to realize that after several days of not talking to her.
Not seeing her...
He comes to understand that he can't achieve
 his next en-devour without her.
For the truth rested in the mere fact that she was indeed his bait.

And with that,
 he comes to the conclusion that,
 you can't get milk from a cow you don't feed and take care of.


But she was open to a number Three...
Would Tric be creative enough?
She kind of knew already that he was...

Chapter Twelve Midnight

She wasn't sure if it was a form of revenge on C,

 that made her decide her next decision, 

 or if it was the amount of beer that she had already consumed that Sunday...

But she positively knew that one third of the reason was definitely because

 she missed the way Tric had felt when they shared all things sacred.

-------------------------

It was an hour passed midnight when the three of them were all standing in her room. 

She put on music to make the eerie silence disappear and possibly warm up the room with flowing vibes..
Instead of what was really there before them;
Awkwardness.

With the music going in the background she looked around the room at the two guys and thought to herself, 

Wow, this is nothing like porn. 

So she took it upon herself and tried to ease everything into play. 

To her surprise, the two guys were very gentle and very caring. 

They seemed to express a lot of attention and love into each action they displayed.

And to her, that showed that each guy had self love and knew what they wanted and liked. 

She was just happy that they felt so comfortable sharing it with her.  

She was also very thankful that she had chosen the right person to explore such a daring event with together. 

In the end,
once all was tried and true to it's best form, 

she realized something about Tric
that she never really saw before...
He was more then just another one of her guys. 

He may have been forbidden fruit,
 but he was also her dark angel...
Tric was her mentor. 

Her sidekick.

The one who braved things with her.
Her Partner in crimes of the heart. 

And she liked that. 

Because she knew that she was the type who was always curious.

She was the type who didn't believe what she read or heard
 unless she tried it herself without any expectations
 and just went from her heart to understand it for what it meant to her. 

And Tric watched over her. 

He made sure to protect her.

And that's all that mattered to her.
Cause she knew that life only flowed when light and dark worked together.
And every time she was with Tric,
She saw her light through the darkness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 11:11

~Thursday Morning~


She let the text from C, that she woke up to, marinate for a while.
She knew that she needed time to reflect and just gather her true feelings before making any serious decision for the day.
So she went downstairs and made breakfast.

After breakfast and doing her yoga, she was ready to begin her day with a more positive vibe and much clearer thoughts on what she truly desired.
She went to her phone and turned it on and found a text from Eddie waiting for her to open.
Had she really forgotten about the Thursday agreement with Eddie from the day before!?
That's sad, she thought..
Then continued to open his message...

His text read;
"Is 12 noon going to work for you?"

She clutched her heart as if someone just stabbed it!
Ugh! How could she be so mean...

She had C and Eddie on the line waiting...
She had told Tric and Rafferty the other day that she was too busy and tired for anything with them.
And now here was Eddie and C waiting for acknowledgment as well..
But who would she pick?

After thinking about both guys and their perks and flaws...
She realized she really didn't have much of a choice...
Neither looked any better then the other.
With only one exception to differ...
C could kiss her and make her knees weak..
Whereas Eddie never stepped foot near her mouth..
So she made her decision...

She responded,
"Hey Eddie, I'm so sorry to cancel but I was called into work today."
And she hit send...

Almost immediately he wrote back,
"Ok"

And she knew he knew...
That with a crap lie like that...
He'd be gone forever...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Much much later that night, around 930pm...
C messages her to come over.
She asked him, if she was picking him up?
He mentions no, it's okay for them to be there because his family is out.
She was very shocked by this but accepted it wholeheartedly because it definitely made things a whole lot easier on her.

As she got into her car, in chimes a text as she is putting his address into her GPS.
"Bring Snacks!"
C writes.

She smiled at the thought...
They had done that one night before at her place.
Watched a movie together and just pigged out on junk before having more fun.
So she writes back,
"Ok!"

Just as she is pulling into his apartment complex, she gets another message.
"My people came home. You will have to climb in my window."

She couldn't believe it!
So she jokes back,
"So basically I'm going to be Romeo?"

He responds with,
"Laugh out loud, yes"

She rolled her eyes...
She had to pee..
Now what!?

Fast forward to window scene...
Oh Romeo! Oh Romeo!
Wherefore art thou Romeo?

"I'm climbing in your window, B*tch! Give me a hand!"

But the bastard did nothing except watch her struggle to climb in his window.

She couldn't believe what a non-caring person he was.
But she took notes.
Mental notes.
C was starting to look like the ugliest Juliet she ever saw!

Then to make matters worse...
He treated her like he was trying to get revenge...
Not during the sex, but just with the way he avoided her during all the time before and after the event.
She knew something was up.
He must have gotten jealous somewhere down the line.
She must have hurt him somewhere.
Nobody is an asshole for no reason.
She knew that much.

But she figured...
He was her reflection.
She wasn't opening her heart to him.
So he reflected the exact same coldness to her in a way she could feel it.

She wanted to be the warrior.
The brave one.
The one without emotions.

Well, She got it.

But she didn't like it.
She knew she had to change.
Otherwise, she would always end up in the same type of situations
only with a different face and different name.

As she left his house...
She made a vow to herself to follow her heart from then on.
To not be so afraid to be real.

Real with her emotions and Real with others.

Which of course...
Stirred the opportunity a chance to be born the very next week!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunday Night Monday Morning
(A.K.A. 12am)

Tric messages her!

She had assumed Tric was done with her last week when she declined his request for a threesome with his friend and told him she would rather wait for the date with Eddie.

But Tric was clearly head strong.
He knew never to give up.
He knew that people worked in flows.
and that if he could just find the right flow, he'd slip right into it with ease...

And he must have felt her flow go from disappointment with C to wanting exploration again because he messaged her at 12am Sunday night with...
"My Latino friend is asking about you, are you up for it?"

Chapter Ten

The next five days went by rather slowly...

Aunt Flo had come to visit her and so she was stuck attending to her needs and wants. 

She hated Aunt Flo but thought to herself, 

once a month she really did  need a break to recoup so maybe having the visits wasn't so bad after all. 

Tuesday rolled around and her Aunt Flo had just said goodbye when in chimes a message... 

"Nescisito sexo?"

It was C!

She felt her heart get excited! 

Whereas her mind started to gather facts from fears for her by the thousands...

Though she responded almost instantly regardless... 

"Yes..."

Once she sent it, she felt it... 

The fear... 

It kicked in... 

You responded too fast. 

He's gonna stand you up.

Don't get so excited. 

All these fears kept trying to ruin her good vibe. 

Her heart had gotten excited... 

Why couldn't her mind just go with it? 

So she quieted her mind and told it... 

Listen... 

Even if he doesn't show, or even if it doesn't happen.. 

You will be fine. 

You will enjoy your night. 

And if you really need sex, someone will always be there. 

Never fear. 

The Ego was good, she had to admit that much. 

So she went about her job.
At work... 

She was working the self checkout,
when the red light started to blink at one of the registers.

As she headed to it, she saw him... 

Spiky hair with blonde tips.. 

Thin smooth built body just the way she liked it. 

And a nice silver watch on his wrist which amplified his smooth manly hand.

She always had a thing for hands.. 

She wasn't sure why.. 

But when she saw them it was like she could feel them on her.. 

And his hands looked so sexy and manly that she could feel them doing all kinds of bad things to her!
She snapped herself out of that thought when
she felt her heart speed up...
She wasn't about to let herself get carried away in a fantasy... at least not while she was at work..
As she grounded herself back down to earth,
She approached him and sarcastically asked him, 

"What did you do!?" 

Then she giggled and said, "I'm just kidding, How can I help you?"

He looked at her and let out a soft nervous laugh. 

He seemed shy. 

He was Asian!

This was something new for her!

She flirted the best she could... 

She even left him at one point with a manager and then came back in the end to see if he missed her, and sure enough he did. 

She could tell. 

As he was ready to leave, they both lingered on the 'good-byes'...

She mentioned to him how she admired his watch and he looked rather pleased with the compliment. 

But she couldn't just let that be the end of it so she touched his arm softly and said, 

"I hope you come again." and then she gave his arm a light squeeze. 

He smiled, looked at her and said, 

"I will." 

And there he went. 

Her next fantasy. 

------------------------------------

The night was coming to an end and so was her shift.

And then she remembered C.. 

After she clocked out, she messaged him.

"Am I coming to get you?"

He writes back, 

"I'm in Fairfax right now."

She didn't think and just responded with, 

"Ok, have your friends drop you off at my place."

He responds with 

"Ok"

The night rolls on... 

She finishes making a video, shops, and then is finally at home watching a movie and drinking beer.. 

When she looks at the clock and realizes it's already 1:50am. 

She thinks to herself... 

Did I misunderstand his message?

Was he telling her his location and she told him to have his friends drop him off?

And then it hits her... 

F.........ck!!!! 

She f*cked up utterly!

She picks up her phone immediately and writes, 

"Do you need me to get you?"

But she knew... 

It was too late. 

So she let's her hopes die. 

She turns on TikTok and starts watching all the hot Asian's dancing

when... 

DiNG!

A message!

It's Tric...

She was definitely not expecting that, especially on a Tuesday.night.

Tric was her Friday's... At least that's how she had configured it. 

Tric begins to message her, asking her how she is and how her week was. 

Tric was always so sincere. 

She really liked that about him. 

As they continued to chat, it turned into the usual sexual banter that went back and forth until she finally got tired of it and just basically threw him into a corner. 

"You suck!"

she wrote out of retaliation.

"Good night Tric!"

He must have really felt her slam the door to their invisible communication lines,

because he responded super fast with, 

"No, I'm coming over!"

She was so annoyed, she actually meant it when she wrote, 

"No, just stay with your friends."

But he wasn't taking 'No' for an answer. 

"I'm on my way."

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before responding...

"Ok... Fine... "

--------------------------

As she was waiting for Tric to show up, her mind started to ask her... 

What about C?

She answered that thought with another thought.. 

He's not responding. 

Not her problem she thought. 

But she knew her problem was that she messed up. 

She knew she had a problem. 

She was afraid to be vulnerable.

She never listened to her heart.

She was always trying to protect it with her mind.

She didn't want to seem weak. 

She didn't want to be rejected. 

But this way... 

She self sabotaged herself and anything that could ever really be. 

She knew this. 

So what was she going to do? 

Well right now, she was going to do Tric. 

She knew that much. 

And right as she thought about that, in chimed a message,

"I'm here!"

She walked down stairs and greeted him at the door. 

The greeting was nothing like the greeting with C. 

Tric was more reserved. 

He was forbidden fruit, so he had to maintain his promise to another. 

The sex however was always so incredible! 

Was it because she knew nothing could ever happen between them?
So she knew she couldn't fall prey to the thing called relationships.

Was it because she knew that one day it would all be gone and so she was trying to get the best out of it each time?

Or was it...

The way he handled her? 

Like she was a delicate flower and he didn't want to break what he had.

Was it in the way he allowed himself to feel her,
and her responses to his trusts and touches... 

He knew how to really create a connection.. 

And that is what she desired the most!
Maybe he knew that and made sure to up his game like a pro.
She didn't care.
She was pleased with his deliverance.
Every time.
And that's all that mattered to her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, sh*t got REAL...
She woke up to a message from Eddie!
Eddie...
Her here then gone guy.
The one that comes to her with the sweetest of words.
The one that tries to write in English for her the best he could.
Eddie..
the one that never kisses..
Never stays.
Hits it then leaves for a month.
That Eddie.

So she opens his message.
He wants to see her.
She doesn't really know if she wants to or not..
She hadn't even had her coffee yet...
So she writes back...
"When?"

She knew that question would buy her time to really wake up and respond with more confidence.
or perhaps more of a caffeine rush.
Either way... she needed to regroup from seeing Tric when really she was supposed to be with C, whom left her hanging...
Or whom she left hanging somewhere in Fairfax begging for a ride home.

She didn't want to think about that.
She knew she was being ridiculous.
He was a grown a$$ man and could definitely take care of himself.
And with thought, she got the idea to throw him a bone just to see if he'd still act accordingly..
"Sex tonight?" she wrote.
And then hit send...
Out into the void it went!


When she got back upstairs with her coffee in hand, she checked her phone and saw that Eddie responded to her question with a question...

"Want to get together tomorrow?"
She thought about Thursday.
It was her day off.
So she quickly thought...
Why not?
And so she sent her response.
"Sure, sounds good."

---------------------

Later that night just as she was heading home from work,
She gets a message from Tric!
Two days in a row and it's not even Friday...
She thought to herself..
Something's not right...
It wasn't like Tric to be this active.
First thought to cross her mind was,
Trouble in Paradise!

Not her problem, she thought...
Her problem rested right in front of her face.
The text message of...
"My friend wants to do a threesome!"

Her first thought was...
Oh lord, here we go again...
Another awkward moment in the car...
But then she remembered...
She had the house all to herself that night.
So she asks Tric for a photo.
Of course, like a man, he sends photos of body parts and not the actual persons face...
She laughs to herself...
What is it with men?

But so she asks again only being more specific this time.
She gets an actual image.
She was so thankful.
She looks at the picture and thinks to herself,
Not bad.
But then it kicks in...
She has Eddie on the line for the next day.
Does she really want to do this?

Her answer came so quick and so easily...
NO!
She knew she didn't want to.
She knew this was not her idea.
It was Tric's fantasy.
And she also knew she was not here to satisfy anyone's fantasies but her own.

So she responded to Tric with truth.
She told him no,
For the first time.
He was shocked..
He even tried to make her feel bad by saying,
"Why are you being so difficult?"
She didn't care.
Sticks and stones may break the bones
but words never hurt her!
She knew her truth and stood by it proudly.

She told him she had Eddie on the line and that she would rather wait for him...
But she knew that really wasn't the truth either.
Cuz she knew that Tric could please her so much better then Eddie
 since Eddie never kissed her.

------------

As she put down her phone for the night,
She lay in her bed thinking...
What would she do if C wrote her tomorrow?

Would she still go with Eddie?
Or would she pick C?

And she wondered...
Now that she said no to Tric,
Would he come around again?

Then she realized this was all just her fears.
So she let them go with each exhale as she closed her eyes
and let the sandman bring her a dream...

Which of course turned into a nightmare the very next day when she woke up to a message from
C!