The world is like a ride...

The next day, 

She awoke not just in a different state...

but in a totally different state of mind.

All that was.

Was no longer.

There was nothing.

Yet everything.

And so she needed to breathe.

She needed to really come back to herself.

When she was around people all the time,

She kept getting entangled.

She would lose who she was.

So easily.

And right now, 

she felt as though she was so lost

that even a fairy tale prince couldn't find her, let alone a magician.

She was in her own Bermuda triangle.

Trying to round it out.. 

"You're a circle" she says over and over again

 trying to convince herself.

However, the more she tries to change the truth,

the deeper she gets lost into this 

false belief she chose to believe.

But so how would she find her way out?

She knew she had to first admit, 

that she had walked into the triangle herself.

No one pushed her.

No one made her.

She walked in.

And now that she was in it, why didn't she accept it?

Why was she trying to change a triangle into a circle?

So she let go of her Pride.

To change what she couldn't change.

And accept it.

And so there she stood.

In the middle of a room.

Which was not hers.

She looked around and realized, she was thankful.

Grateful.

For a room which she really didn't deserve.

But what was she going to do now?

The triangle she was in reeked of corners.

She hated sharp turns.

She hated change.

But at every corner, 

she had to..

And they always came so fast.

She felt stuck.

Like the elephant who was tied to a post with a shoestring..

Like the Smurfs who always got locked up in a cat cage. 

She, too, was stuck...

On the FLiP SiDE...

 The hardest decision she ever had to make in this grand journey called life

was the decision to leave her Twin Flame.

As she stood in the doorway,

knob in hand...

She took one last glance around the room she helped build.

Everything was in flowing order.

There was a place for their food. 

The coffee maker, the toaster oven, their canned goods. 

Everything they had was perfect for them. 

A table for art, or for journaling. 

Two lounging chairs for watching movies while drinking. 

 A queen sized bed blanketed in Purple Softness.. 

which brought back lots of great memories

of cozy warm sleepful nights together

 as well as wild crazy sinful sleepless nights they dramatically played out together.

As she stood there giggling at the old visions that played out before her...

She was really hating herself for having to run once again, 

but it was inevitable.

When was she ever going to get it right?

That was the million dollar question...

However,

at that very moment,

 she didn't have time to even begin to figure the answer out.

She only had 30 minutes to run and 

wasn't in the mood to get caught walking down the stairs 

with two very heavy duffel bags and one semi heavy backpack on her back.

 For she knew,

that if he should appear early,

there would have been Hell to pay.

His Flip Side was not something she could ignore

any longer.

She knew she had to break free!

So she took one last look around and inhaled a wish of hope...

Hope that he would stay and use the room for himself or even for his family 

if he should ever bring them out.

But deep down inside, 

she knew the truth.

This was a final farewell to all the hard work and money they had spent

once again

trying to spin yet another web which they liked to joke

and call.. 

DESTiNY!

The helping Hand that slaps...

 Sometimes in life, it's not easy to just say,

 "okay, I quit."

Especially when you have chosen to live with a person,

and all your stuff is now 'Ours' and not just 'Mine' any more. 

This is exactly what she was dealing with in the here and now.

After being spit in the face by her one true love,

she arrived later that night to her Flag, Journal, and work shirt 

all thrown out the window onto the front lawn.

She picked them up and took them inside.

He was busy in the bathroom so she sat at the edge of the bed and 

just listened to her music for a bit 

until he came back into the room and proved to be 

harmless.

He went to bed... 

And soon thereafter, so did she.

The next day however... He wanted to reconcile.

She never did a thing.

Yet he gave her the upper hand to reconcile.

Was that even right?

She realized that a lot of people would think it so,

but truth was... 

That no...

NO it wasn't.

The whole scenario

was invented by him.

Delivered by him,

and then finished by him.

So where did she come into play at all?

Why was he giving her the reins on 

making the decision

to be together?

They never parted.

She just left an argument.

Went and did what she loved to do. 

He's the one who decided to 

go all out and destroy

her stuff while she was out. 

He's the one that crossed the boundary lines.

Shouldn't he have been the one to 

come to his senses

and apologize for his destructive

behavior caused by

his own insecurities?

Yes. 

Yes he should have. 

But because he didn't and because she fell for it...

It continued to spiral downward. 

Power is something we all crave..

But how we own it is the real question.

Power is never out there.

You don't gain it because someone asks, 

"are we still together?" 

Power is had when you see the real truth. 

The truth of a situation

in it's entirety.

The whole picture from a birds eye point of view.

And you stick to your own truth.

Your part. 

Your Half.

And that is a relationship...

Relating with another,

in the same boat!

So then... what was she to do now?

 

The Fall

 The spray of wetness from his spit,

Seized her face 

like a war  to be had...

She wasn't really shocked though.

She was already totally beat up by his insecure actions from the nights before.

Insecurity and self sabotage came hand in hand and she knew already...

That three's a crowd...

So when the spit hit..

She knew it was a sign to split..

But she wasn't one to leave without a hit..

So she took her best shot!

She spoke to him all that she had been holding back..

She wanted him to see his strengths...

His truths...

His own weaknesses..

So that he could own them..

And be more powerful...

But his Ego didn't agree to those terms...

His Ego wanted to win.

At all cost.

Including the relationship.

And so it was...

The Pride

Cometh

Before the Fall...

And so it did.

Discovering truths

 As she sat in the bar, drinking her beer, 

Doing what she enjoyed the most, writing...

She couldn't help but shake the thought that everything in her relationship world was falling apart.

Her boyfriend had just text several insecure texts to her..

Some rather very harsh and rude accusations to say the least.

 And then she remembered..

This was just a thought.

Sure her boyfriend had his insecurities.

And she knew they were his, that's for sure.

She knew herself very well. 

She was a great woman.

Kind.

Caring.

Loving.

Understanding.

Full of joy!

And very trusting.

She knew that in order for another person to feel her as the same..

That she would have to first do them with herself.

And that is exactly why tonight...

She was kind caring loving understanding full of joy and trusting in herself to do what her heart truly wanted and desired. 

And so she took another sip of her favorite beer..

And continued to write the rest of her blog..

Till the next chapter happens..

Thou shalt NoT...

She Awoke one morning 

and just sat there for a second. 

She let her environment really surround her.

And she finally,

 for the first time,

 really accepted everything

as it truly presented itself to be.

As is.

As much as it hurt to see what was really 

happening before her.

As much as it disappointed her 

to see such destruction.. 

She swallowed hard and just 

accepted it all. 

It was her now moment.

And even though she wasn't happy with it.

Even though she wasn't content with it.

She welcomed it. 

Then she asked herself. 

What do I really want?

And she just listened. 

A small voice inside her, 

like a child,

 jumped up and spoke...

I want comfort.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. 

In my own home.

My body, my mind, my heart, my soul.

And she finally laid down her control

and surrendered.

And it came to her... 

Her truth.

She realized just how much she had been holding herself hostage. 

Pushing herself with fears.

Fears of losing people, friendships, relationships...

She shut herself out just to please others.

She lied to herself...

That once she takes care of them, 

she will get what she really wants..

But it was a lie. 

She was lying to herself for years. 

She wondered why she couldn't find joy in life.

She wondered why life wasn't all that it was hyped up to be.

And right then and there..

She realized the truth..

The truth that 

Any relationship built on a lie..

Is just an illusion...

And it all began with her relationship with herself. 

And that's when she really woke up!

The Arrow points That way...

 Cupid's arrow was sharper then she'd thought.

When it struck,

it struck hard.

The Ego disguised as the heart, 

was definitely unaware of the spell

that cupid's arrow had injected in her once it hit. 

----------------------

She was on a yellow brick road to a place called her Destiny,

but never did she imagine that this road 

would lead her down the darkest of Alley's!

Yet, she knew she was strong.

And welcomed the challenge...

Her Ego was in tip top shape.

She knew she was hardcore.

She was a Warrior.

She wanted to achieve Pure Platinum Goddess-hood

and was willing to walk through the hottest of fires 

just to get there!

But boy was it Hot! 

And Dang, it really burned her! 

But she wasn't about to give up.

Especially after how far she had already travelled!

However, 

She knew that as a wise Warrior...

Sometimes a shift in direction 

was absolutely necessary

in order to out-smart

the evil fire breathing Dragon ahead

that was filling her path with a smoldering heat wave that could kill an entire army!

She knew she had to forge a new path...

 She immediately gathered herself,

 and began to look around at all the weapons she had bought

to help navigate her to a new road.

She let out a huge sigh of disbelief! 

 All the tools she had invested in, 

got burned away in the red hot heat 

of this fire breathing dragon she was about to face!

Her shoulders slumped in disappointment.

Perhaps she should have valued her weapons a bit more

and focused less on being strong enough to handle the heat..

She cursed her pride!

He had let her fall again. 

The only beast that ever really won against her...

Was in fact her pride..

And with each battle,

 it weakened her more and more..

As she sat there, empty handed, she decided to just close her eyes, 

and slowly breathe real deep..

With each breathe, 

she welcomed her struggles.

She welcomed her disappointments.

She welcomed her discomforts...

As each one lifted,

it freed her inside from the heaviness she felt

was chaining her down.

And there she saw it...

underneath all that heaviness inside was a beautiful light.

She wanted to go to it..

It was such a warm inviting light.

Not scorching hot like the fire breathing dragon path she was on.

So she decided to follow this new path instead.

As she went closer,

 she realized there was a beautiful Goddess sitting there.

It was her!

Underneath all that struggle...

and heaviness of battling her pride and Ego's heat,

was a beautiful Goddess imprisoned inside her. 

She realized then and there that her focus being always 

out there...

Resisting by

Putting tons of efforts towards conquering an undefeatable 

fire breathing dragon,

was really just an optical illusion she created with her Ego.

The only Princess locked in a prison 

was her.

Her True Self. 

But she didn't have to battle anything.

No fire breathing dragon.

No Darth Vader.

No Dr. Evil..

Nothing. 

She just had to accept her self

 in the now moments.

Shadows and all.

Welcome them with open arms..

And she was free!

Free from the self inflicted prison of fear! 

When she opened her eyes, 

she was sitting in her chair, in her beautiful home.

Coffee next to her laptop.

Blog opened and waiting...

She smiled real big and began typing...

T

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