Solar Eclipsed Again...

 After climbing out of the rabbit hole 

that she had been exploring for years, 

she found herself 

 half way to Summer.

There she awoke to 

A fresh start and

A new beginning.

Everything in her life previously had been 

Eclipsed away.

There was no turning back.

All had vanished.

Only Darkness there.

Nothing more.

But she decided to face the light.

She had her headphones on.

Jammin out to her jams, 

writing in her blog. 

There was no excuse for her 

not to truly enjoy the things she loved.

Blogging and writing was definitely one of them.

She loved letting her imagination soar 

with all the possibilities of word play.

It made her light up inside. 

It gave her excitement.

It gave her energy.

And so there she began

her new life. 

In the Now Moments.

Always following her excitement. 

Why is it so Dark in Here?

 She was standing face to face with her reality. 

In one hand,

she held the blue pill.

The pill to end all her pains and struggles. 

But in the other hand,

 she held the red pill.

Red..

Her favorite color.

How irresistible it was to just take that pill 

without even thinking about what it would really do to her.

The consequences.

The free falls!

Going down the rabbit hole...

Chasing that rabbit...

Trying everything and anything

just to see if she could.

Then Realizing that she did

 and that she could.

Yet, where did she end up?

Time and time again?

Always in the same dream turned nightmare.

Starting over again.

And again.

Running from the same fears over and over.

This was the game.

Everything she tried,

 big or little.

Fat or thin,

up or down..

good or evil,

was all the same dream.

Same wish.

Same nightmare.

The rabbit hole could go forever. 

But her legs were getting tired.

The snow was getting too deep to keep running through.

Her boots were melting to the blacktop with each step she tried to take. 

It was time to stop running.

And so she looked at the blue pill in her hand. 

To take the blue pill would mean to stop all that could be

and wake up finally.

Back in her own bed.

Being able to believe as she wanted to believe. 

And that was a life worth giving a shot to. 

The world is like a ride...

The next day, 

She awoke not just in a different state...

but in a totally different state of mind.

All that was.

Was no longer.

There was nothing.

Yet everything.

And so she needed to breathe.

She needed to really come back to herself.

When she was around people all the time,

She kept getting entangled.

She would lose who she was.

So easily.

And right now, 

she felt as though she was so lost

that even a fairy tale prince couldn't find her, let alone a magician.

She was in her own Bermuda triangle.

Trying to round it out.. 

"You're a circle" she says over and over again

 trying to convince herself.

However, the more she tries to change the truth,

the deeper she gets lost into this 

false belief she chose to believe.

But so how would she find her way out?

She knew she had to first admit, 

that she had walked into the triangle herself.

No one pushed her.

No one made her.

She walked in.

And now that she was in it, why didn't she accept it?

Why was she trying to change a triangle into a circle?

So she let go of her Pride.

To change what she couldn't change.

And accept it.

And so there she stood.

In the middle of a room.

Which was not hers.

She looked around and realized, she was thankful.

Grateful.

For a room which she really didn't deserve.

But what was she going to do now?

The triangle she was in reeked of corners.

She hated sharp turns.

She hated change.

But at every corner, 

she had to..

And they always came so fast.

She felt stuck.

Like the elephant who was tied to a post with a shoestring..

Like the Smurfs who always got locked up in a cat cage. 

She, too, was stuck...

On the FLiP SiDE...

 The hardest decision she ever had to make in this grand journey called life

was the decision to leave her Twin Flame.

As she stood in the doorway,

knob in hand...

She took one last glance around the room she helped build.

Everything was in flowing order.

There was a place for their food. 

The coffee maker, the toaster oven, their canned goods. 

Everything they had was perfect for them. 

A table for art, or for journaling. 

Two lounging chairs for watching movies while drinking. 

 A queen sized bed blanketed in Purple Softness.. 

which brought back lots of great memories

of cozy warm sleepful nights together

 as well as wild crazy sinful sleepless nights they dramatically played out together.

As she stood there giggling at the old visions that played out before her...

She was really hating herself for having to run once again, 

but it was inevitable.

When was she ever going to get it right?

That was the million dollar question...

However,

at that very moment,

 she didn't have time to even begin to figure the answer out.

She only had 30 minutes to run and 

wasn't in the mood to get caught walking down the stairs 

with two very heavy duffel bags and one semi heavy backpack on her back.

 For she knew,

that if he should appear early,

there would have been Hell to pay.

His Flip Side was not something she could ignore

any longer.

She knew she had to break free!

So she took one last look around and inhaled a wish of hope...

Hope that he would stay and use the room for himself or even for his family 

if he should ever bring them out.

But deep down inside, 

she knew the truth.

This was a final farewell to all the hard work and money they had spent

once again

trying to spin yet another web which they liked to joke

and call.. 

DESTiNY!

The helping Hand that slaps...

 Sometimes in life, it's not easy to just say,

 "okay, I quit."

Especially when you have chosen to live with a person,

and all your stuff is now 'Ours' and not just 'Mine' any more. 

This is exactly what she was dealing with in the here and now.

After being spit in the face by her one true love,

she arrived later that night to her Flag, Journal, and work shirt 

all thrown out the window onto the front lawn.

She picked them up and took them inside.

He was busy in the bathroom so she sat at the edge of the bed and 

just listened to her music for a bit 

until he came back into the room and proved to be 

harmless.

He went to bed... 

And soon thereafter, so did she.

The next day however... He wanted to reconcile.

She never did a thing.

Yet he gave her the upper hand to reconcile.

Was that even right?

She realized that a lot of people would think it so,

but truth was... 

That no...

NO it wasn't.

The whole scenario

was invented by him.

Delivered by him,

and then finished by him.

So where did she come into play at all?

Why was he giving her the reins on 

making the decision

to be together?

They never parted.

She just left an argument.

Went and did what she loved to do. 

He's the one who decided to 

go all out and destroy

her stuff while she was out. 

He's the one that crossed the boundary lines.

Shouldn't he have been the one to 

come to his senses

and apologize for his destructive

behavior caused by

his own insecurities?

Yes. 

Yes he should have. 

But because he didn't and because she fell for it...

It continued to spiral downward. 

Power is something we all crave..

But how we own it is the real question.

Power is never out there.

You don't gain it because someone asks, 

"are we still together?" 

Power is had when you see the real truth. 

The truth of a situation

in it's entirety.

The whole picture from a birds eye point of view.

And you stick to your own truth.

Your part. 

Your Half.

And that is a relationship...

Relating with another,

in the same boat!

So then... what was she to do now?

 

The Fall

 The spray of wetness from his spit,

Seized her face 

like a war  to be had...

She wasn't really shocked though.

She was already totally beat up by his insecure actions from the nights before.

Insecurity and self sabotage came hand in hand and she knew already...

That three's a crowd...

So when the spit hit..

She knew it was a sign to split..

But she wasn't one to leave without a hit..

So she took her best shot!

She spoke to him all that she had been holding back..

She wanted him to see his strengths...

His truths...

His own weaknesses..

So that he could own them..

And be more powerful...

But his Ego didn't agree to those terms...

His Ego wanted to win.

At all cost.

Including the relationship.

And so it was...

The Pride

Cometh

Before the Fall...

And so it did.

Discovering truths

 As she sat in the bar, drinking her beer, 

Doing what she enjoyed the most, writing...

She couldn't help but shake the thought that everything in her relationship world was falling apart.

Her boyfriend had just text several insecure texts to her..

Some rather very harsh and rude accusations to say the least.

 And then she remembered..

This was just a thought.

Sure her boyfriend had his insecurities.

And she knew they were his, that's for sure.

She knew herself very well. 

She was a great woman.

Kind.

Caring.

Loving.

Understanding.

Full of joy!

And very trusting.

She knew that in order for another person to feel her as the same..

That she would have to first do them with herself.

And that is exactly why tonight...

She was kind caring loving understanding full of joy and trusting in herself to do what her heart truly wanted and desired. 

And so she took another sip of her favorite beer..

And continued to write the rest of her blog..

Till the next chapter happens..