A Nightmare Fairy-tale

 Present Day

~3:00AM~

She awoke to a sudden vibration.

She was hearing impaired and took out her hearing aid before going to bed each night.

But just because she couldn't hear sounds didn't mean she couldn't hear.

She was keenly aware of all vibrations.

And the vibration that awoke her at 3:15am

Was one of haste. 

She quickly grabbed her hearing aid by the bedside

And fumbled to place it in her ear.

As it turned on

She felt another vibration, only this time, it was accompanied by a terrible sound of cracking wood!

Visions of an axe going through the door

Popped into her head.

Damn those horror movies

For corrupting her mind, she thought.

Then snapped out of it as she heard another loud bang!

She quickly reached for her cell phone,

Which laid charging next to her bed.

She frantically searched for the phone button

But could hardly remember how to even unlock her phone...

Her adrenaline must have been going out of whack with fear..

The warrior she thought she had been

Now made her realize she was just a pussy cat all along..

She might scratch and claw

But when the real fight came, 

She just wanted to run up the tallest tree and hide... 

Or cuddle up in the lap of someone she trusted..

Which at the moment was no one.

When she finally was able to dial 

Nine.

One.

One.

The first thing she said in a shaky voice

Was, 

"Help me please! Someone's trying to break into my room!"

They asked for location and then if she knew who it might be.

She knew nothing..

She truly thought she had woken up in an alternative dimension

Also known as a nightmare...

But because she was actually standing there holding the phone by the window, 

Wondering if her only escape would be to jump...

But it was 2 stories high and she knew that there would be a broken leg waiting for her at the bottom if she actually chose to use it.

She definitely knew this was no dream.

The police continue to ask questions

Which all gets drown out by the loud sound of wood cracking...

Until a sudden silence

But very strong force

Breaks all connection to security.

The door swings open!

"Omg! She screams!"

As she stares at the dark figure standing

In the door way..

"It's him..."

 She pleads in defeat.

He walks in slowly 

Whispering something calmly to her,

But she can't hear anything..

Her heart is beating so loud..

All she could do was take in what

Was before her...

In that now moment...

He's wearing all black..

He takes off his sun glasses,

And kneels on one knee before her..

She sees the surrender..

The innocence..

The love...

The suffering...

The call for her to come back,

Not only to her self but to him...

She finally saw it..

She wanted to hug him

But realized the phone was still in her hand..

The police on the other end 

Were calling to her...

"Ma'am? 

Ma'am? 

Are you ok?"

She looked out the window.

There are police out there calling to her...

But she has lost all her words.

All her thoughts..

And there she stood before him,

Realizing that he had taken off 

Her rose colored glasses...

And right then and there she saw

In that now moment,

Her truth...

That her heart only wanted her love..

She just had to be open to it.

And 

When she listened to her heart..

That love brought her back to her

Dark Knight...

.....

Friday night...

 9 Months Later...

Since they first met back in April of 2021,

All Hell had broken lose!

And it was all her doing once again.

No one beats her at this game.

She's the Queen of the Chess Game.

She's the one that Ends the game.

It's just how it is.

It's how it always was.

And how it'll always be...

Maybe...

However

So the story goes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were together every step of the way.

Everything they did,

They did together.

They were inseparable.

They loved each other very much.

But they loved themselves...

Not enough to match that love. 

The level of love they had for each other

Just didn't seem to add up to the same amount of love they had for themselves..

Which of course, disrupted the flow.

The flow Of...

The laws of the universe.

The law of attraction.

Which is exactly the very thing that attracted her to him,

 even though

she had

Chanced upon his room

 and 

seen his pills

 and 

Witnessed his insecurity first hand!

But still...

Unconditional love was her truth.

She wasn't a judge.

She understood everything.

Everything except herself.

Who she truly was.

She needed space.

She needed to cultivate her own energy

So she could shine her light to all.

Especially to him.

And he...

He needed to trust in himself.

To be secure in his own worth.

To realize that a fight wasn't all he had.

He had love. 

Just not for himself.

But that was all he truly needed.

As did she..

❤️XoXo-💖💞

You live here?

 The beer must have really been kicking into high gear,

because once they got into her car and tried to congregate...

all she could do was watch his lips...

She must have fallen into a trance at some point 

because she couldn't remember

if she was the first one to kiss him

or if they ever really even kissed at all... 

She remembers stopping at the 7-11 though

and watching him buy stuff...

When they got to his house...

He asked her to come inside.

She complied...

Especially since she had decided to cross over his boundary lines

and hers...

and began feeling his huge 

muscular arms.

Muscles on a man always made her tingle 

inside... 

And with 3 beers already working damage in her,

the touch of his warm skin only 

added more fuel to the fire!

They got to his room

and she was aghast!

There was so many things laying all over the floor! 

Clothes, bottles, empty and full,

food wrappers, food boxes, cans, 

it was like a landfill 

only fit into a small room!

But the one thing that really threw her into 

hell territory was the mattress.

The uncovered, no sheets, no pillowcases, 

no box spring, no headboard,

just on the floor, like a dirty old thrown out mattress!

She couldn't believe her eyes!

How could such a cute guy

live in this hellhole?

A homeless shelter was more put together then his room!

But she was there..

She walked in.

She kissed him in the car..

Or did she?

She was too far gone.. 

He offered her another beer

 and she drank it 

hoping it would give her rose colored glasses 

to un-see what she had already seen.

While she chugged away at the beer,

  he asked her what she wanted to watch.

She got so excited that she immediately burst out with,

"Sex and the city"!

Her favorite show.

And he put it on.

But he never saw it so she got more excited to tell him all about it.

As she rambled and drank

he watched her lips move

and not much later

his lips were on hers... 

Rendering her completely blind

to all that she couldn't truly behold. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She woke up around 4am and realized she was not in her room.

She quickly but quietly tried to get up

but he awoke and asked in a sleepy voice,

"Are you leaving me"?

She said, "yes". 

Then kissed him good-bye

and walked out almost running...

knowing she would never return. 

Or so she wanted to believe....

 

The End to a New Beginning

 It was Friday night and She was at her favorite night spot again,

 Only this time, she had more on her mind then just dancing. 

She started the night like she did any other Friday,

 drinking a corona and watching the others dance while she waited for the magic to kick start within her.

After her 2nd beer, she was beginning to feel the magic mojo flow.

She went out to the dance floor and began to shake her body to the rhythm.

The music had a way of moving her body in ways that she never thought possible. 

As she danced, the same problem always occurred;

unwanted guys who had no rhythm whatsoever who wanted to dance with her.

They would come up to her by the dozens.

She swatted them all away one by one. 

She moved around the dance floor in an attempt to escape all the guys who dared to throw themselves at her trying to cop cheap thrills. 

She found herself at the end of her rope about ready to leave the bar when a song stirred her attention.

One last dance she told herself. 

The song really rocked.

                                 She was moving so wildly to it that she didn't even realize when  a

 guy had approached her from behind. 

He began to sway with her movement in unison and she felt a magical energy grab her.

She didn't get the urge to swat this one away. 

Instead she grabbed him and began dancing with him.

She asked him... 

"Where you from?"

She always asked. 

She wanted a Spanish guy. 

She knew that much.

He responds back with, 

"Colombia".

In her mind popped up the movie with Arnold Swartzenegger called

Collateral Damage..

And Drug Lords.

She was being judgmental, she knew that, 

but she had to do the famous 

Lucy impression

 and then took off like a bat out of Hell!

She was not going to risk falling for a Colombian.

So She's back near the dance floor jamming to yet another great sound,

When Mr. Colombian Drug Lord shows up again. 

She gladly accepted the dance cuz she knew they had a really great flow together and she wanted to feel the magic again. 

This time he doesn't let her escape.

He grabs her hand and they leave the  bar together to conversate outside  where they could hear each other better.

Once outside, She offers to give him a ride home and...

to be continued! 

  

Chapter FiFTeeN

 Eddie shot her a text out of nowhere...

Six months had come and gone and Eddie was nowhere to be heard from.

Until the day she decided to cut Tric off.

It's like the universe had it's own mobile phone and E.T. had phoned home.

"Hey Bb" 

was the beginning to another round of Should I or shouldn't I? 

That evening, she decided She Should. 

So she set up a date with Eddie. 

He picked her up at the exact time they mentioned and headed up to the bar. 

The car ride turned into a game of let me see what I can get..

Eddie looked over at her as she hopped in and immediately tried to grab her thighs pretty high up! 

She pushed his hand away almost instantly and looked him in the eyes with a cat's glare and a slight hiss. 

Then kindly she said to him, "not yet. We need to get reacquainted".

He didn't look thrilled but retrieved his paws back to the steering wheel. 

When they got to the bar, and they went inside, she was ready to order her first beer since she had given up drinking a couple months ago.

She figured, why not destroy that streak with a date already going down the wrong road. 

When she asked him what he would like, he said to her that he wasn't going to drink that night cuz he had to work the next morning. 

She felt awful. 

Like then why agree to go to a bar she thought? 

Was he just trying to be nice and do what she wanted?

Or was he buttering her up so he could get in her pants? 

Either way, she felt uncomfortable drinking in front of him while he wouldn't.

So she told him, "Let's just go back to the car".

They went back to the car and drove back to her house. 

They sat in the parked car for maybe two seconds when Eddie decided to try pawing her again!

The rest of the night went down as follows... 

Only what you get to witness here, is the inside view.

The battle In her head... 

He kept grabbing at me

All i could think of was a lion

Pawing playfully at his prey

I kept pushing away his hands

Innocently crying out soft, "no's"

But his hands were so warm,

So smooth, so hard...

I could feel the fire of desire inside me spark

And begin to burn out of control.

I began to crave his touch..

I wanted to feel his hands all over my body,

Caressing me ever so slowly.. Squeezing gently...

Then i snapped myself out of this spell,

And common sense doused the fire.

We began to talk some more.

I asked about his family and where he came from...

As he spoke his answers

I watched his lips move

They were so perfect

I yearned for them to be kissing my neck, my lips, my breasts...

The wetness of his tongue soothing the scorching of the fires inside me that lusted for his kisses...

He must have sensed my desire

Because I could see a hunger begin to burn in his eyes.

They sparked as bright as the full moon

On the darkest of nights.

Then...

The lion in him pounced!

His hands wrapped completely around me in the blink of an eye..

He pulled me so close to him

I could feel his warm soft breath

Tickle down my neck

The caress of his skin against mine

stirred my entire being..

The Lure was so strong it was almost impossible to resist...

But

My Logic was a lot stronger..

I kindly rejected his advances and said good night..

I knew very well that i didn't want to be the food that fed his hunger.

Especially when i knew very well

That i had thrown the crumbs.

I'm bad. I know this.

But I'm also good cuz i know better.

I'm dangerous to my own self though

Because i also know that if i keep playing with fire...

One day I'm going to get burned..

So i said good-night to my date that night.

No kisses.

No promises.

Just

"Good-bye"

 

 

The Continuing Saga Of the Lost

It seemed like all that was had,
 burned away.
Nothing left but ashes.
When she looked back on all that was,
all she saw was smoke.

She realized that she was burning like a fire with all these guys.
Her fear was fueling each meeting.
Each chance.
Each opportunity.

Except one.

No matter how much she tried to put an end to one.
It never left her.
It found a way to keep burning.

Tric.

----------------------------------------------------

- RealityCheck -

-101-

The end of spring and the coming of summer, brought a huge revelation to her already

burned out ego... 

She had been running on fear the entire time with all these guys. 

Her heart only truly wanted one guy. 

The one that was a mirror of her true self. 

Not the fearful one. 

And it took her a lot of running around, running from her fears, only to continue feeding

them every turn she took. 

Until one day she got sick. 

Her mind took a huge hit. 

Her heart was screaming to her. 

Telling her she was worthy of what she truly wanted. 

Someone to share a life with. 

Not someone who wanted to change her. 

Just someone who liked her as she was. 

C was the one who had her heart. 

She met him at her favorite dance club. 

He had similar interests as her. They went hiking and had coffee together.

They watched a movie together.

They laughed together and danced and just snuggled.

He even marked her with a hickey and 

she adored it... 

Which she never used to cuz she knew it was a marking the territory type of thing.

But not with C. 

She felt it as a show of Love... 

So why did she destroy it?

Why did she run from it?

Why couldn't she allow it to blossom?

FEAR.

Fear of not being good enough.

Fear of being left for a better woman.

Fear of being old.

Fear of being cheated on.

The list can go on.

Fear is what led her to run after outside validation.

But the truth was... 

The outside validation from jumping guy to guy,

 did nothing to calm the burning desire to be loved by only one...

 Herself. 

So in the summer of 2020,

she got sick. 

She had to make a choice between

LIFE

and

DEATH.

Life was the path of learning to love herself as she was for who she was.

Death was the path of continuing to believe that love was 'out there'.

She chose LIFE.

And she cut off all the guys..

including C... 

Because she knew that what was broken could only be fixed 

with time and space.

Letting go was the only way to heal. 

---------------------------------------------------------------

So Why Tric? 

Tric continued to hang on to her... 

And as much as she wanted to deny it, a part of her still clung

to him...

They chanced upon each other once again come the end of the year.

After being cured of her sickness. 

and learning he was clean too, 

she jumped on yet another fear... 

Fear that she needed to stick with the tried and true in order to stay safe

from getting sick again... 

But something inside her kept calling to her... 

C... 

What was it trying to tell her? 

C was long gone. 

C was just a memory now... 

And then it hit! 

 C was her heart. 

C was what her heart wanted out of a relationship. 

Not so much C himself, but what C represented to her.

An equal partner with a matching shared idea or goal. 

And Tric didn't have that. 

Tric already had a life. 

She was just the side dish. 

It took a lot for her to accept herself, but she finally did. 

She cut Tric off with her truth. 

She wanted to share her love with another who also had the same desires.

***In chimes Eddie!*** 

...to be continued

 

Chapter Fourteen

Five days had come and gone just as her Aunt Flo had done. 

Yet still no word from Tric.
However, she figured that he knew Aunt Flo was in town and was probably avoiding a run in with that lady killer.  

Plus, On another note,  

Tric was also her Friday nights, and it was only Tuesday, 

So she wasn't going to allow herself to get too worried.
At least not yet.

And really, she didn't even have time to think much about it since she had so many other things pop up all over the place to keep her plenty occupied. 

First, Eddie had rang her Tuesday morning asking for a visit, 

But since she was visiting with her Aunt Flo,

  she told him to try again

Thursday night. 

Then on Tuesday night, she ran into Rafferty.

Rafferty of all people! 

He was the co-worker that tried once before, 

but it flopped completely. 

Rafferty bumped into her in the parking lot as she was heading to her car after a somewhat  pretty interesting day..

He began to ask her if she was up for getting together Wednesday night.

She hesitated.. 

She really did not want to. 

She fumbled for excuses. 

When in chimes a message...
DiNG! 

She looked at her phone and was so happy to see she got a text message!
Or 'ammo' as she thought of it.
 She needed to shoot down Rafferty quick and this was just the thing to do it!  

She turns to Rafferty and says, 

"I have to take this call, it's important. I'm sorry. text me tomorrow!" 

And with that, she turned and went to her car.

When she got to her car, she opened the message from Gordo.

"Want to go get a drink?"

Gordo... 

Who was Gordo? 

Gordo was this fiesty lion... But behind the big bushy mane was a sweet sentimental cat purring for attention. 

She met him at work. 

She wasn't interested in him as anything other then a friend. 

Someone she was able to talk to openly and honestly.

She didn't judge him and he didn't judge her. 

So it worked out really well. 

And somehow, he reflected her. 

She saw her fears in his stories. 

And she believed that a lot of her stories reflected a lot of his fears as well. 

  

She wrote him back...
"Sure. Where?"

--------------------------

Sitting at the pub just up the road from her house,
Gordo was listening very intently on her story about Chase.


---CHASE---

Chase had come through her line one evening while she was at work.
 He was buying cigarettes, but somehow the two of them just clicked.
They began flirting like crazy back and forth as she was ringing him up, annoying most of the customers in line for taking so long.
Chase was so easy going and liked to laugh, which she really admired since she liked to laugh too.
And she really liked his semi asian look since he was from El Salvador.
And even though he was Spanish, he knew English very well, which to her was a relief from all the guys she had met who only smile and nod when they were together.

Just as he was getting ready to leave her register, he asked for her number.


----------------------------


She continued to tell Gordo about how Chase had contacted her earlier in the day.
And how he wanted to meet up with her that night.
However, since Chase worked early mornings, by the time she got off work,
he had already fallen asleep.
She understood that very well,
because she sometimes would fall asleep waiting for Tric in exactly the same way.

Her and Gordo continued to drink and talk about relationships and ex's.
Issue after issue...
When finally the bar had called it's last round and were on their way to kicking the two of them out.
She couldn't believe how long they had been talking!
But Gordo was a Leo and Leo's tend to be very good listeners as well as very good communicators.
As they were heading to their cars, they stopped to finish up a story.
She felt the cold wind blowing against her the entire time and she began to shiver.
She says to Gordo, Let's go to the car and finish talking there.
I'm getting really cold.
He agrees.

While in his car, they continue to talk and somehow they get onto a topic of sex and ex's.
Somehow, talking about sex threw a challenge in the air.
Gordo mentions to her that no one can turn him on, except if he wants it.
And for her, that statement sounded like a challenge her Ego was happy to burst.
She looks at him and asks,
"So, if I were to kiss you right now, nothing would happen?"

He must have not been expecting her to be so forward because he choked and fumbled with his next few words...
and as he's trying to explain himself, she leans over and starts to kiss him.
He doesn't stop her.
But a lion and a fish can only go so far.
When land and water meet,
they can only mirror each other.

And she knew she had a rule for herself.
No co-workers.
And so she stopped it there.
They both agreed to keep it strictly friendship.

--------------------------------


The next day, as she is working her evening shift,
She receives a message from C...
Her heart practically jumps up into her throat but gets stuck because she remembers the way he had treated her the last time they had a chance to be together.

She hesitates to write back.
But still does.
"Hola! Como estas?"

He writes back and then not long after his response adds the question...
"Want to come over tonight?"

She couldn't believe him!
A whole month had passed since he was super mean to her.
He never apologized.
Yet, now he is expecting her to jump on over!