Finale Part Too

She wanted it all to end. 

But she was still there.

Still in her no where existence...

She wasn't a pill popper, 

Yet the decisions she wasn't making 

and the ones she was...

really started to look to everyone like she was indeed 

on crazy pills. 

Loco even...?

But not the loco-motion type. 

So, she had to do something about it.

Life was just going to keep repeating,

especially if she didn't plant new seeds..

And perhaps...

She thought about it a second..

But perhaps,

The seeds weren't the most important part this time around.

Maybe this time..

It was the land where she decided to plant them.

The land had to be tilled and readied.

Prepped..

Well turned over.

And that land was her brain...

She needed to pull out all the weeds.

Before she could even begin to plant new seeds.

And so she began her gardening days.

Welcoming all the old traumas that grew all over every action she

ever decided to do.

She was ready to seize each day 

and clear all that had grown over. 

And this to her was a true Finale...

To finally end all the tried yet untrue.

And then began again

without knowing...

Finale... Part One

 She had taken the blue pill and awoke 

back in her old room.

Next to him,

 in his bed

that he gladly shared with her.

Of course she was grateful.

She knew nothing was promised.

Not even life.

So everyday she woke up 

and was grateful for yet another chance

to make the most of her opportunity.

Then it happened..

As she sat there in her gratefulness...

She wondered...

Without the red pill and the rabbit hole...

What was she to do?

She realized she needed a job.

But then thought, isn't that when the rabbit had appeared to her?

Having to leave behind her la la land

And chase that rabbit with the special watch..

She couldn't think of the answer since

Her time was running out!

Rent was around the corner.

Food was becoming scarce.

Was life really just one great big disappointment?

No matter how much she wanted to escape the rabbit hole,

There really was no other choice..

Was there? 

Or did she get it wrong?

Was the blue pill the one that kept taking her back to 

the life she wanted to escape?

Then she realized..

She was popping pills left and right. 

Blue or Red..

Red or Blue

Didn't matter..

She had become a pill popper....

And there she died...

 In the midst of it all,

with no one to blame but herself...

Except...

Surrender what was... and just flow with it..

 As she sat

in her now moment,

 she looked around herself.

Every thing was the same

yet different.

It seemed, that when she flew 

a thousand miles away from

where she felt so uncomfortable...

Evidently,

 she had brought the 

discomfort with her.

It wasn't her location.

It wasn't who she was with.

It wasn't even the house she was residing in.

It was her.

Her discomfort was coming from

trying to be the same 

fear driven child that only 

depended on the ego for answers.

The ego in her

was so strong.

It told her to run!

To Fight!

To manipulate 

and to deceive. 

To the ego, the more people she was able to spark up

and smoke..

The higher she rose...

But the smoke eventually

disappeared..

And she was left standing in the middle of a desert.

Alone.

Even her family was happy and content

as they were.

And she couldn't understand it.

Until now...

Her Ego had created a compulsion for her.

Her pride had set up an army of 

let's change them! 

But really... 

No one needed change.

Everyone accepted themselves as they were.

And that was her whole campaign..

Love and accept yourself

as you are. 

Yet there she was...

in the middle of a desert..

Alone...

Looking to change someone. 

Anyone. 

As a distraction...

A distraction from the truth.

That she only truly needed to 

Love and accept herself as she was.

and

To stop trying to always change the world.

So she finally let out a long sigh of surrender...

 and knew that,  

from this moment on...

All she really needed was to accept

herself,

'As is', 

and then 

Come Friday,

 all will fate itself back 

to what it should be.

Solar Eclipsed Again...

 After climbing out of the rabbit hole 

that she had been exploring for years, 

she found herself 

 half way to Summer.

There she awoke to 

A fresh start and

A new beginning.

Everything in her life previously had been 

Eclipsed away.

There was no turning back.

All had vanished.

Only Darkness there.

Nothing more.

But she decided to face the light.

She had her headphones on.

Jammin out to her jams, 

writing in her blog. 

There was no excuse for her 

not to truly enjoy the things she loved.

Blogging and writing was definitely one of them.

She loved letting her imagination soar 

with all the possibilities of word play.

It made her light up inside. 

It gave her excitement.

It gave her energy.

And so there she began

her new life. 

In the Now Moments.

Always following her excitement. 

Why is it so Dark in Here?

 She was standing face to face with her reality. 

In one hand,

she held the blue pill.

The pill to end all her pains and struggles. 

But in the other hand,

 she held the red pill.

Red..

Her favorite color.

How irresistible it was to just take that pill 

without even thinking about what it would really do to her.

The consequences.

The free falls!

Going down the rabbit hole...

Chasing that rabbit...

Trying everything and anything

just to see if she could.

Then Realizing that she did

 and that she could.

Yet, where did she end up?

Time and time again?

Always in the same dream turned nightmare.

Starting over again.

And again.

Running from the same fears over and over.

This was the game.

Everything she tried,

 big or little.

Fat or thin,

up or down..

good or evil,

was all the same dream.

Same wish.

Same nightmare.

The rabbit hole could go forever. 

But her legs were getting tired.

The snow was getting too deep to keep running through.

Her boots were melting to the blacktop with each step she tried to take. 

It was time to stop running.

And so she looked at the blue pill in her hand. 

To take the blue pill would mean to stop all that could be

and wake up finally.

Back in her own bed.

Being able to believe as she wanted to believe. 

And that was a life worth giving a shot to. 

The world is like a ride...

The next day, 

She awoke not just in a different state...

but in a totally different state of mind.

All that was.

Was no longer.

There was nothing.

Yet everything.

And so she needed to breathe.

She needed to really come back to herself.

When she was around people all the time,

She kept getting entangled.

She would lose who she was.

So easily.

And right now, 

she felt as though she was so lost

that even a fairy tale prince couldn't find her, let alone a magician.

She was in her own Bermuda triangle.

Trying to round it out.. 

"You're a circle" she says over and over again

 trying to convince herself.

However, the more she tries to change the truth,

the deeper she gets lost into this 

false belief she chose to believe.

But so how would she find her way out?

She knew she had to first admit, 

that she had walked into the triangle herself.

No one pushed her.

No one made her.

She walked in.

And now that she was in it, why didn't she accept it?

Why was she trying to change a triangle into a circle?

So she let go of her Pride.

To change what she couldn't change.

And accept it.

And so there she stood.

In the middle of a room.

Which was not hers.

She looked around and realized, she was thankful.

Grateful.

For a room which she really didn't deserve.

But what was she going to do now?

The triangle she was in reeked of corners.

She hated sharp turns.

She hated change.

But at every corner, 

she had to..

And they always came so fast.

She felt stuck.

Like the elephant who was tied to a post with a shoestring..

Like the Smurfs who always got locked up in a cat cage. 

She, too, was stuck...

On the FLiP SiDE...

 The hardest decision she ever had to make in this grand journey called life

was the decision to leave her Twin Flame.

As she stood in the doorway,

knob in hand...

She took one last glance around the room she helped build.

Everything was in flowing order.

There was a place for their food. 

The coffee maker, the toaster oven, their canned goods. 

Everything they had was perfect for them. 

A table for art, or for journaling. 

Two lounging chairs for watching movies while drinking. 

 A queen sized bed blanketed in Purple Softness.. 

which brought back lots of great memories

of cozy warm sleepful nights together

 as well as wild crazy sinful sleepless nights they dramatically played out together.

As she stood there giggling at the old visions that played out before her...

She was really hating herself for having to run once again, 

but it was inevitable.

When was she ever going to get it right?

That was the million dollar question...

However,

at that very moment,

 she didn't have time to even begin to figure the answer out.

She only had 30 minutes to run and 

wasn't in the mood to get caught walking down the stairs 

with two very heavy duffel bags and one semi heavy backpack on her back.

 For she knew,

that if he should appear early,

there would have been Hell to pay.

His Flip Side was not something she could ignore

any longer.

She knew she had to break free!

So she took one last look around and inhaled a wish of hope...

Hope that he would stay and use the room for himself or even for his family 

if he should ever bring them out.

But deep down inside, 

she knew the truth.

This was a final farewell to all the hard work and money they had spent

once again

trying to spin yet another web which they liked to joke

and call.. 

DESTiNY!