Discovering truths

 As she sat in the bar, drinking her beer, 

Doing what she enjoyed the most, writing...

She couldn't help but shake the thought that everything in her relationship world was falling apart.

Her boyfriend had just text several insecure texts to her..

Some rather very harsh and rude accusations to say the least.

 And then she remembered..

This was just a thought.

Sure her boyfriend had his insecurities.

And she knew they were his, that's for sure.

She knew herself very well. 

She was a great woman.

Kind.

Caring.

Loving.

Understanding.

Full of joy!

And very trusting.

She knew that in order for another person to feel her as the same..

That she would have to first do them with herself.

And that is exactly why tonight...

She was kind caring loving understanding full of joy and trusting in herself to do what her heart truly wanted and desired. 

And so she took another sip of her favorite beer..

And continued to write the rest of her blog..

Till the next chapter happens..

Thou shalt NoT...

She Awoke one morning 

and just sat there for a second. 

She let her environment really surround her.

And she finally,

 for the first time,

 really accepted everything

as it truly presented itself to be.

As is.

As much as it hurt to see what was really 

happening before her.

As much as it disappointed her 

to see such destruction.. 

She swallowed hard and just 

accepted it all. 

It was her now moment.

And even though she wasn't happy with it.

Even though she wasn't content with it.

She welcomed it. 

Then she asked herself. 

What do I really want?

And she just listened. 

A small voice inside her, 

like a child,

 jumped up and spoke...

I want comfort.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. 

In my own home.

My body, my mind, my heart, my soul.

And she finally laid down her control

and surrendered.

And it came to her... 

Her truth.

She realized just how much she had been holding herself hostage. 

Pushing herself with fears.

Fears of losing people, friendships, relationships...

She shut herself out just to please others.

She lied to herself...

That once she takes care of them, 

she will get what she really wants..

But it was a lie. 

She was lying to herself for years. 

She wondered why she couldn't find joy in life.

She wondered why life wasn't all that it was hyped up to be.

And right then and there..

She realized the truth..

The truth that 

Any relationship built on a lie..

Is just an illusion...

And it all began with her relationship with herself. 

And that's when she really woke up!

The Arrow points That way...

 Cupid's arrow was sharper then she'd thought.

When it struck,

it struck hard.

The Ego disguised as the heart, 

was definitely unaware of the spell

that cupid's arrow had injected in her once it hit. 

----------------------

She was on a yellow brick road to a place called her Destiny,

but never did she imagine that this road 

would lead her down the darkest of Alley's!

Yet, she knew she was strong.

And welcomed the challenge...

Her Ego was in tip top shape.

She knew she was hardcore.

She was a Warrior.

She wanted to achieve Pure Platinum Goddess-hood

and was willing to walk through the hottest of fires 

just to get there!

But boy was it Hot! 

And Dang, it really burned her! 

But she wasn't about to give up.

Especially after how far she had already travelled!

However, 

She knew that as a wise Warrior...

Sometimes a shift in direction 

was absolutely necessary

in order to out-smart

the evil fire breathing Dragon ahead

that was filling her path with a smoldering heat wave that could kill an entire army!

She knew she had to forge a new path...

 She immediately gathered herself,

 and began to look around at all the weapons she had bought

to help navigate her to a new road.

She let out a huge sigh of disbelief! 

 All the tools she had invested in, 

got burned away in the red hot heat 

of this fire breathing dragon she was about to face!

Her shoulders slumped in disappointment.

Perhaps she should have valued her weapons a bit more

and focused less on being strong enough to handle the heat..

She cursed her pride!

He had let her fall again. 

The only beast that ever really won against her...

Was in fact her pride..

And with each battle,

 it weakened her more and more..

As she sat there, empty handed, she decided to just close her eyes, 

and slowly breathe real deep..

With each breathe, 

she welcomed her struggles.

She welcomed her disappointments.

She welcomed her discomforts...

As each one lifted,

it freed her inside from the heaviness she felt

was chaining her down.

And there she saw it...

underneath all that heaviness inside was a beautiful light.

She wanted to go to it..

It was such a warm inviting light.

Not scorching hot like the fire breathing dragon path she was on.

So she decided to follow this new path instead.

As she went closer,

 she realized there was a beautiful Goddess sitting there.

It was her!

Underneath all that struggle...

and heaviness of battling her pride and Ego's heat,

was a beautiful Goddess imprisoned inside her. 

She realized then and there that her focus being always 

out there...

Resisting by

Putting tons of efforts towards conquering an undefeatable 

fire breathing dragon,

was really just an optical illusion she created with her Ego.

The only Princess locked in a prison 

was her.

Her True Self. 

But she didn't have to battle anything.

No fire breathing dragon.

No Darth Vader.

No Dr. Evil..

Nothing. 

She just had to accept her self

 in the now moments.

Shadows and all.

Welcome them with open arms..

And she was free!

Free from the self inflicted prison of fear! 

When she opened her eyes, 

she was sitting in her chair, in her beautiful home.

Coffee next to her laptop.

Blog opened and waiting...

She smiled real big and began typing...

T

h

e

E

n

d

.

 

 

A Nightmare Fairy-tale

 Present Day

~3:00AM~

She awoke to a sudden vibration.

She was hearing impaired and took out her hearing aid before going to bed each night.

But just because she couldn't hear sounds didn't mean she couldn't hear.

She was keenly aware of all vibrations.

And the vibration that awoke her at 3:15am

Was one of haste. 

She quickly grabbed her hearing aid by the bedside

And fumbled to place it in her ear.

As it turned on

She felt another vibration, only this time, it was accompanied by a terrible sound of cracking wood!

Visions of an axe going through the door

Popped into her head.

Damn those horror movies

For corrupting her mind, she thought.

Then snapped out of it as she heard another loud bang!

She quickly reached for her cell phone,

Which laid charging next to her bed.

She frantically searched for the phone button

But could hardly remember how to even unlock her phone...

Her adrenaline must have been going out of whack with fear..

The warrior she thought she had been

Now made her realize she was just a pussy cat all along..

She might scratch and claw

But when the real fight came, 

She just wanted to run up the tallest tree and hide... 

Or cuddle up in the lap of someone she trusted..

Which at the moment was no one.

When she finally was able to dial 

Nine.

One.

One.

The first thing she said in a shaky voice

Was, 

"Help me please! Someone's trying to break into my room!"

They asked for location and then if she knew who it might be.

She knew nothing..

She truly thought she had woken up in an alternative dimension

Also known as a nightmare...

But because she was actually standing there holding the phone by the window, 

Wondering if her only escape would be to jump...

But it was 2 stories high and she knew that there would be a broken leg waiting for her at the bottom if she actually chose to use it.

She definitely knew this was no dream.

The police continue to ask questions

Which all gets drown out by the loud sound of wood cracking...

Until a sudden silence

But very strong force

Breaks all connection to security.

The door swings open!

"Omg! She screams!"

As she stares at the dark figure standing

In the door way..

"It's him..."

 She pleads in defeat.

He walks in slowly 

Whispering something calmly to her,

But she can't hear anything..

Her heart is beating so loud..

All she could do was take in what

Was before her...

In that now moment...

He's wearing all black..

He takes off his sun glasses,

And kneels on one knee before her..

She sees the surrender..

The innocence..

The love...

The suffering...

The call for her to come back,

Not only to her self but to him...

She finally saw it..

She wanted to hug him

But realized the phone was still in her hand..

The police on the other end 

Were calling to her...

"Ma'am? 

Ma'am? 

Are you ok?"

She looked out the window.

There are police out there calling to her...

But she has lost all her words.

All her thoughts..

And there she stood before him,

Realizing that he had taken off 

Her rose colored glasses...

And right then and there she saw

In that now moment,

Her truth...

That her heart only wanted her love..

She just had to be open to it.

And 

When she listened to her heart..

That love brought her back to her

Dark Knight...

.....

Friday night...

 9 Months Later...

Since they first met back in April of 2021,

All Hell had broken lose!

And it was all her doing once again.

No one beats her at this game.

She's the Queen of the Chess Game.

She's the one that Ends the game.

It's just how it is.

It's how it always was.

And how it'll always be...

Maybe...

However

So the story goes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were together every step of the way.

Everything they did,

They did together.

They were inseparable.

They loved each other very much.

But they loved themselves...

Not enough to match that love. 

The level of love they had for each other

Just didn't seem to add up to the same amount of love they had for themselves..

Which of course, disrupted the flow.

The flow Of...

The laws of the universe.

The law of attraction.

Which is exactly the very thing that attracted her to him,

 even though

she had

Chanced upon his room

 and 

seen his pills

 and 

Witnessed his insecurity first hand!

But still...

Unconditional love was her truth.

She wasn't a judge.

She understood everything.

Everything except herself.

Who she truly was.

She needed space.

She needed to cultivate her own energy

So she could shine her light to all.

Especially to him.

And he...

He needed to trust in himself.

To be secure in his own worth.

To realize that a fight wasn't all he had.

He had love. 

Just not for himself.

But that was all he truly needed.

As did she..

❤️XoXo-💖💞

You live here?

 The beer must have really been kicking into high gear,

because once they got into her car and tried to congregate...

all she could do was watch his lips...

She must have fallen into a trance at some point 

because she couldn't remember

if she was the first one to kiss him

or if they ever really even kissed at all... 

She remembers stopping at the 7-11 though

and watching him buy stuff...

When they got to his house...

He asked her to come inside.

She complied...

Especially since she had decided to cross over his boundary lines

and hers...

and began feeling his huge 

muscular arms.

Muscles on a man always made her tingle 

inside... 

And with 3 beers already working damage in her,

the touch of his warm skin only 

added more fuel to the fire!

They got to his room

and she was aghast!

There was so many things laying all over the floor! 

Clothes, bottles, empty and full,

food wrappers, food boxes, cans, 

it was like a landfill 

only fit into a small room!

But the one thing that really threw her into 

hell territory was the mattress.

The uncovered, no sheets, no pillowcases, 

no box spring, no headboard,

just on the floor, like a dirty old thrown out mattress!

She couldn't believe her eyes!

How could such a cute guy

live in this hellhole?

A homeless shelter was more put together then his room!

But she was there..

She walked in.

She kissed him in the car..

Or did she?

She was too far gone.. 

He offered her another beer

 and she drank it 

hoping it would give her rose colored glasses 

to un-see what she had already seen.

While she chugged away at the beer,

  he asked her what she wanted to watch.

She got so excited that she immediately burst out with,

"Sex and the city"!

Her favorite show.

And he put it on.

But he never saw it so she got more excited to tell him all about it.

As she rambled and drank

he watched her lips move

and not much later

his lips were on hers... 

Rendering her completely blind

to all that she couldn't truly behold. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She woke up around 4am and realized she was not in her room.

She quickly but quietly tried to get up

but he awoke and asked in a sleepy voice,

"Are you leaving me"?

She said, "yes". 

Then kissed him good-bye

and walked out almost running...

knowing she would never return. 

Or so she wanted to believe....

 

The End to a New Beginning

 It was Friday night and She was at her favorite night spot again,

 Only this time, she had more on her mind then just dancing. 

She started the night like she did any other Friday,

 drinking a corona and watching the others dance while she waited for the magic to kick start within her.

After her 2nd beer, she was beginning to feel the magic mojo flow.

She went out to the dance floor and began to shake her body to the rhythm.

The music had a way of moving her body in ways that she never thought possible. 

As she danced, the same problem always occurred;

unwanted guys who had no rhythm whatsoever who wanted to dance with her.

They would come up to her by the dozens.

She swatted them all away one by one. 

She moved around the dance floor in an attempt to escape all the guys who dared to throw themselves at her trying to cop cheap thrills. 

She found herself at the end of her rope about ready to leave the bar when a song stirred her attention.

One last dance she told herself. 

The song really rocked.

                                 She was moving so wildly to it that she didn't even realize when  a

 guy had approached her from behind. 

He began to sway with her movement in unison and she felt a magical energy grab her.

She didn't get the urge to swat this one away. 

Instead she grabbed him and began dancing with him.

She asked him... 

"Where you from?"

She always asked. 

She wanted a Spanish guy. 

She knew that much.

He responds back with, 

"Colombia".

In her mind popped up the movie with Arnold Swartzenegger called

Collateral Damage..

And Drug Lords.

She was being judgmental, she knew that, 

but she had to do the famous 

Lucy impression

 and then took off like a bat out of Hell!

She was not going to risk falling for a Colombian.

So She's back near the dance floor jamming to yet another great sound,

When Mr. Colombian Drug Lord shows up again. 

She gladly accepted the dance cuz she knew they had a really great flow together and she wanted to feel the magic again. 

This time he doesn't let her escape.

He grabs her hand and they leave the  bar together to conversate outside  where they could hear each other better.

Once outside, She offers to give him a ride home and...

to be continued!