The Fall of Fear into the Light!

The Next day, she thought things would get better. 

She always hoped for the best. 

But she never really liked to expect the worst, as the saying goes..

But she had no choice in this matter.

She came home from getting a Job offer, and she was bursting with excitement!

She couldn't wait to share the great news with her man.

As she got home, she realized he was on the phone with his mum.

But as soon as she got the chance, she sat down and told him the exciting news.

To her surprise... He wasn't enthused...

Instead he was down right rude about it.

He began making assumptions.

Insecure assumptions like, 'I bet you slept with the boss to get it"

and then he went on about how he knew she was going to leave him as soon as she got paid. 

His insecurities were just flying out of his mouth left and right.

She couldn't believe it!. 

But then again, she realized that their entire relationship was all

about her defending herself from all his insecure accusations! 

She was really beginning to feel the weight he was putting on her. 

It wasn't hers.

It was his. 

So she stopped. 

She stopped defending herself. 

She got up and told him that he needed to deal with his insecurities

on his own, cuz there was nothing she could do to make him believe anything he didn't 

want to see. 

And after hearing those words come out of her mouth, she realized she had just gave herself the answer she had been seeking the whole time.

"There was nothing she could do, if she chose not to see the truth!"

The truth was always right in front of her.

This boy, that she chose to call her man, was not good enough for her.

With every conversation they had, somehow he had thrown in words and statements that left her always doubting herself and feeling like she was totally drained.

He always made himself out to be so much better then her.  Even though, when they met, she was the one with a car, with all the money, and all the stuff needed for a normal life. Somehow he made it out to be that she was nothing without him. and that he was way better then her.

He never achieved a car, yet, he kept her chasing the idea that one day they would get somewhere as long as they worked together. 

He worked hard to isolate her. He was sure to make life so hard for her with his insecurities that she would lose her jobs, her family, her friends... And once he did achieve her being isolated, he began to disrespect her almost instantly and every chance he got.

And everytime she worked on herself to lift her spirits back up, he would come crashing in with his own created dramas and make it seem like it was something they needed to work through together. 

His drama, his crisis, was somehow.. Their duty to fix together. 

And this was the truth she chose over and over not to see. 

Not to believe.

All because she had a heart of an angel... 

But because she had a Pride that was so much bigger...

 It completely blocked out the light that would have revealed the truth a long time ago.

So she let it fall before her... 

The Next Morning, she awoke after a hard night..

She stood in that small room by the bed, 

Phone in hand... 

Eyes wide open...

and she took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled...

Then she began to text her family in order to close the final Chapter 

to this story of her so-called Pride.

The End... 

**Note from Author**

 Hello Everyone! If you have enjoyed my story this far, please look for my next project which I will begin very soon! It'll be a totally different turnout, so please do come back and check it out! In my belief, Life is a journey that was meant to be experienced to it's fullest. I don't regret any part of this story no matter how dark it really was. I'm just glad I had the chance to survive it and tell you all about my experience! Thank you to those wonderful people who have stayed with me thus far! Love you all! 

XoXo <3

<3 Spiritual Ava <3  

A Rocky Flow of Fire and Ice...

 Mercury had gone into Gemini,

 taking her out of her brain

 and into the night...

She was sitting in her chair, drinking her 2nd beer

and watching her favorite show, Friends. 

Laughter was exploding from her left and right,

 and filled the room with very vibrant energy.

She was in a good place. 

She was fully content with all that she had accomplished that day

and deserved this kind of happiness because of it. 

As the evening began to wind down, 

she had a gut feeling to check her phone...

She opened her Facebook and saw a post from her man.

It was written in Spanish of course, but she was curious.. as always. 

She translates the post and finds it to read, 

"Hey Slave, what you doing?"

She was disgusted.

The very energy of such statement was harsh enough to send a twist in her stomach.

She tries to blow it off that maybe her man was drunk again and just blowing off steam.

Then she notices a notification that she has a text message waiting to be opened. 

As she clicks the message box, right before her very eyes, 

a message from her man appears, 

"What you doing?"

She sees it...

The manipulation. 

She decides not to respond.

She was not going to respond to someone else's insecurity validation seeking request.

He didn't start with anything loving. No greeting of any sort.

Just a demanding statement requesting fear based validations.

She wasn't going to give into it. 

It wasn't her job.

So she put the phone back down and resumed watching her show. 

About thirty minutes later, her man comes home with a bang.

He doesn't come in and greet her. 

Even though she sends out her greeting to him. 

He says nothing and just sits down behind her and continues to drink.

She continues to watch her show but then as soon as she laughs at a funny scene, 

he mocks her very loudly with force and anger. 

She tries to ignore it, but after the third time he continued to follow through,

she turned around and asked him what was the problem.

From there, it went downward and she didn't know where she went wrong.

She tried to tell him kindly why she didn't respond to his message,

but he didn't want to hear it. 

Sure, if she didn't live with him in the same room, this battle could have been put out rather quickly..

all she would have to do is say, I'm not going to fight. 

See you tomorrow when we both cool down and sober up.

But no... that option was not on the menu.

So, as best as she could, she tried to dowse the fire

by standing behind her boundaries.

He wasn't happy, but that was not for her to fix. 

Her own happiness was now on the line and it was her responsibility

to work on lifting that. 

So she put on a pair of headsets and began her Spanish lessons.

As she finished, she realized he had passed out cold and she let out a sigh of relief.

She thought about her previous blog and knew exactly that this was the death she was referring to. 

The death of this type of cycle that ran rampant in each and every single human mind.

A cycle that hungered for outside validations for fears that were floating around inside the body.

It never worked. It never will. 

It was time for a new perspective.

But that would take a true desire to heal.

And so that was now the question in the air...

Did they want to heal?

Did he?

Did she?

She already knew she did.

And had already began the process. 

Now it was up to him to want it.

Later that night, as she was sleeping in the bed.. 

She awoke to him turning and hugging her.

When she opened her eyes, she saw an innocent boy before her. 

His eyes so sad and hurt searching for comfort. 

She hugged him back and let her heart shine it's light. 

But she knew that this wasn't over. She knew that true security comes from within...

But she also knew that she was secure enough in her own love

 in order to share it with him in that now moment. 

And they fell asleep together. 

Just as lava did once it erupted out of the volcano

and flowed down the side of the mountain

 always coming together

in order to be a stronger flowing force. 

Spell it Out for Me Please...

She was stuck sitting in the middle of the

 Land of Confusion...

All the while, 

Drowning in her own sea of emotions...

She really didn't know anymore what was true 

and what was illusion.

Some days the truth seemed so hard and cold 

that she just gave up all reality 

and began to enjoy the sweet scent of delusion.

Why was life so wrong?

Why did death feel so right? 

And that's when it hit her.

Maybe the death she was craving was not indeed 

Death himself.

But the death of an old way of thinking. 

Maybe she was holding on to things that wanted to leave.

Things that never worked out for her anyways.

So then why was she holding on to them so tightly?

To the point that it was dragging her down the road of her next grand opening?

Shouldn't she just surrender?

Just let go.

and

Free fall into the unknown up ahead!?

Yes... That sounded so right and so easy...

But so then, why was it so god damn hard? 

Fear. That's why..

Fear was so strong. 

So clever.

So evil.

Fear had cast a spell over her a long time ago 

and she was still trying to break free. 

Where was her fairy godmother? 

Just a tear drop away?

 

Well she had cried a whole river and that damn dame never showed.

There went that illusion.

So now what?

How to break that spell?

All by herself?

Could she perhaps just think it away?

Was that the answer?

Well.. let's see... all her life, she had been doing things with her brain.

All those mantras, all those positive thinking, all those self-help books...

and still... the thought of a spell was still upon her. 

So how was she to Break on thru to the other side? 

I guess she was going to have to try the unthinkable.

And that was,

To not think.

To not know.

And to not do anything about it.

Instead, she was going to try something she never did before...

And that was to not care anymore.

Not care about the land of confusion.

Not care about their actions.

Not care about what they thought and expected of her.

But instead, she was going to just float.

Float on cloud nine.

And enjoy the land of confusion below her.

She was going to float in the sea of emotions.

Allowing them to be felt, but not to ignite her.

There will be no more reacting.

No more triggers..

Just finding the joy in all situations. 

No more worries of expectations.

Just the ones she truly felt like completing at the now moments.

And that is how she decided to handle life.

To take it moment by moment.

Step by step.

Day by day.

And the spell... 

Well...

The spell could maybe spell out to her what it's true purpose was.

Cuz she really didn't care anymore.

 

The OLD must go in the NOW

 It was nearly 5pm when she finished watching her favorite show.

She was feeling great! She finally did everything she wanted to do

without feeling like she was trying to please someone in the end.

She finally wasn't looking for a validation of any sort.

And as soon as the thought and guilty feeling of getting caught tried to arise in her,

She immediately stopped it with her newly awakened self love.

It was only three days into her daily devotional

of going back to who she truly came here to be,

but already she felt more grounded and clear on

what she enjoyed and wanted to do with her life 

going forward. 

All those old fears and limitations that used to keep her

down in the past, didn't stand a chance this time around.

She was born again... and this time she didn't have a label attached to her. 

She wasn't following any man made religion this time.

She wasn't brewing any witch's stew either. 

There was indeed another road in this life,

 and she had chanced upon the secret passage way!

  

Open or Closed Casket?

 Life just wasn't letting up on her.

Things were getting more and more stressful by each passing day.

Her money situation was at a standstill..

She had become a beggar.

She was getting more and more antsy inside her core.

And she hated that feeling.

But this time, she decided to wait it out.

With all her might, she made herself wait.

She was now 'A lady in waiting', as she once read on a book cover.

If only she would have read the rest of that book,

maybe she would have known how to make waiting pass by quicker.

"Ugh", she grunted...

"Reading is for people who can't think for themselves". 

She heard that in a movie once and made it her motto for life. 

Now she wanted to make 'just do it already' her motto.

"Damn this life", she cursed.

She took a deep breathe in... How do these people do it?

How do they live this boring life?

It's like that movie Ground Hogs Day with Bill Murray.

Same shit, different day. 

There just wasn't enough spark in that idea for her 

to carry forth.

She was dragging. 

The candle light was fading. 

It was getting dark..

Just as it would be in her coffin when they closed the lid. 

"Ugh! Shake it off girl!" 

"Shit burns, shit explodes, shit stinks... but that don't mean you have to stay in it. 

Get up and move your ass!"   yelled a voice inside her head.

She looked around, and realized the voice was right...

 She did indeed have another option. 

And she got up... 

and went...

 and grabbed a beer. 

"Drown Bitch", she wickedly said under her breath just before she took the first chug! 

 And that was the last time anyone ever saw her. 

She died that night of alcohol poisoning. 

And the coffin lid closed, as did the rest of her 3D life!  

Karma, cuz the world revolves around you!

Saturn was about to makes it's yearly rounds

and she was sitting at the bar ready to toast to another fallen attempt at life! 

Saturn was not amused. 

Rules, regulations, and responsibilities 

was all that mattered to him, and he wasn't impressed with her 

slap in the face, 'I don't care' attitude.

It was time to get real. 

and sh*t was about to get really ugly if she didn't pick up

her end of the bargain.

 Her life had been on repeat 

for as long as she could remember.

It was always the same sob story.

Boo-hoo me, boo-hoo me.

However, the time had come.

To level up meant to really take a step.

The ladder wasn't going to come down to her.

She actually had to decide to step up.

But everything was so much easier running it's usual course.

The pattern had become so comforting.

She didn't want to end the struggling life that made her feel like 

she was living as everyone had expected.

She loved to rub it in people's face that nothing worked.

That she was proof of this failed expectation

they had of everyone.

She almost fooled herself completely into 

believing that she was so right.

And that they were obviously so wrong.

But if life never took off..

If Saturn never gave her the Green Light 

on what she was chasing..

Then clearly, she was walking the wrong road..

So...

There she stood at her final Red Light.

 And she looked over all that she had been repeating.

Same Job types,

Same expectations.

Same attitudes,

Same results.

What was she really doing?

She breathed in slowly... 

Then out..

And she saw it.

She had placed happiness in everything 

out there.

Be it the 

friends, she would meet or make,

Be it the money she would achieve and spend,

Be it the distractions she could use to drown out the emptiness

she always felt inside...

She realized then 

and there...

That she had placed her happiness

outside herself.

She put her power out there...

Into the hand of a job,

The hand of time,

The hand of money,

the hand of friends...

And she expected to get back

the hard work she put effort into every day

to fill up that power that she had given away. 

Boom! 

Her mind was blown. 

The paradox hit her and brought her back to life.

Saturn had just revealed to her... 

All that she had fearfully avoided. 

No one was against her. 

Life wasn't wrong.

She just wasn't living her life. 

She had given away her power out of fear. 

And then expected to beat it.. 

And that was like a battle that could never be won, 

for it was the battle of self. 

Ascending to CLouD NiNE

The energies were rising.

Everyone was feeling them,

including her.

As she began her new way of life,

she realized that how she wanted the energies to

play out in her days,

were always totally up to her.

If she wanted to have a lot of energy,

full of joy,

happiness,

love,

and just pure energy...

All she had to do was listen to her heart. 

However, 

if she wanted her day to be

 a struggle after struggle..

Full of strain,

stress,

 worry, 

and 

Negativity

that could drain an entire ocean,

all she had to do was wake up

and begin by telling herself that she needed to go to work

to make that money

and 

will enjoy breakfast after she got there.

Then from there,

the drain will have been completely unplugged,

with no where to go but down.

  She chose to go up...

So...

 That day,

 she began her day

with her favorite cup of coffee,

Cafe Bustelo!

As well as her daily meditation.

Her meditation consisted of

first putting 

music in her headphones.

The kind of music that

sometimes took her back to old memories 

and old feelings.

And sometimes 

the kind of music

 that took her into a calm where she 

could really relax and feel 

what she was truly feeling in that exact moment.

Alongside her music,

she also had a website or blogger

who specialized in planetary readings. 

She really liked the ones that always 

made her question what she was feeling.

They got her to open up those uncomfortable feelings 

that she knew she was always trying to suppress or run away from.

As she did a check list of her body talk,

Tooth pain? Check

Right thumb paper cut.. Check

Left knee pain... Check

Then...

After welcoming them all as well as all the fears attached to them,

she was ready to begin her day by asking her heart

what it would really like to do 

 at that very moment that would make it 

feel happy and loved.

And from there she would follow exactly what it whispered to her.

She just had to quiet her mind in order to hear and feel the answer.

And from that moment forward, 

everything she did was filled with energy.

She had learned the hard way

that the only thing she always had to really be aware of..

is that every time she made a decision..

It had to come from her hearts desires. 

Her truest values.

Love for herself.

Otherwise,

If she was rushed to make a decision

and made it out of fear,

Fear of losing, 

fear of abandonment,

fear of rejection, 

she would feel it hit hard!

And eventually if she kept running on making her 

decisions out of fear,

Her tank would eventually crack and all the energy 

would drain completely 

with no one to blame

but herself.  

 

Finale Part Too

She wanted it all to end. 

But she was still there.

Still in her no where existence...

She wasn't a pill popper, 

Yet the decisions she wasn't making 

and the ones she was...

really started to look to everyone like she was indeed 

on crazy pills. 

Loco even...?

But not the loco-motion type. 

So, she had to do something about it.

Life was just going to keep repeating,

especially if she didn't plant new seeds..

And perhaps...

She thought about it a second..

But perhaps,

The seeds weren't the most important part this time around.

Maybe this time..

It was the land where she decided to plant them.

The land had to be tilled and readied.

Prepped..

Well turned over.

And that land was her brain...

She needed to pull out all the weeds.

Before she could even begin to plant new seeds.

And so she began her gardening days.

Welcoming all the old traumas that grew all over every action she

ever decided to do.

She was ready to seize each day 

and clear all that had grown over. 

And this to her was a true Finale...

To finally end all the tried yet untrue.

And then began again

without knowing...

Finale... Part One

 She had taken the blue pill and awoke 

back in her old room.

Next to him,

 in his bed

that he gladly shared with her.

Of course she was grateful.

She knew nothing was promised.

Not even life.

So everyday she woke up 

and was grateful for yet another chance

to make the most of her opportunity.

Then it happened..

As she sat there in her gratefulness...

She wondered...

Without the red pill and the rabbit hole...

What was she to do?

She realized she needed a job.

But then thought, isn't that when the rabbit had appeared to her?

Having to leave behind her la la land

And chase that rabbit with the special watch..

She couldn't think of the answer since

Her time was running out!

Rent was around the corner.

Food was becoming scarce.

Was life really just one great big disappointment?

No matter how much she wanted to escape the rabbit hole,

There really was no other choice..

Was there? 

Or did she get it wrong?

Was the blue pill the one that kept taking her back to 

the life she wanted to escape?

Then she realized..

She was popping pills left and right. 

Blue or Red..

Red or Blue

Didn't matter..

She had become a pill popper....

And there she died...

 In the midst of it all,

with no one to blame but herself...

Except...

Surrender what was... and just flow with it..

 As she sat

in her now moment,

 she looked around herself.

Every thing was the same

yet different.

It seemed, that when she flew 

a thousand miles away from

where she felt so uncomfortable...

Evidently,

 she had brought the 

discomfort with her.

It wasn't her location.

It wasn't who she was with.

It wasn't even the house she was residing in.

It was her.

Her discomfort was coming from

trying to be the same 

fear driven child that only 

depended on the ego for answers.

The ego in her

was so strong.

It told her to run!

To Fight!

To manipulate 

and to deceive. 

To the ego, the more people she was able to spark up

and smoke..

The higher she rose...

But the smoke eventually

disappeared..

And she was left standing in the middle of a desert.

Alone.

Even her family was happy and content

as they were.

And she couldn't understand it.

Until now...

Her Ego had created a compulsion for her.

Her pride had set up an army of 

let's change them! 

But really... 

No one needed change.

Everyone accepted themselves as they were.

And that was her whole campaign..

Love and accept yourself

as you are. 

Yet there she was...

in the middle of a desert..

Alone...

Looking to change someone. 

Anyone. 

As a distraction...

A distraction from the truth.

That she only truly needed to 

Love and accept herself as she was.

and

To stop trying to always change the world.

So she finally let out a long sigh of surrender...

 and knew that,  

from this moment on...

All she really needed was to accept

herself,

'As is', 

and then 

Come Friday,

 all will fate itself back 

to what it should be.

Solar Eclipsed Again...

 After climbing out of the rabbit hole 

that she had been exploring for years, 

she found herself 

 half way to Summer.

There she awoke to 

A fresh start and

A new beginning.

Everything in her life previously had been 

Eclipsed away.

There was no turning back.

All had vanished.

Only Darkness there.

Nothing more.

But she decided to face the light.

She had her headphones on.

Jammin out to her jams, 

writing in her blog. 

There was no excuse for her 

not to truly enjoy the things she loved.

Blogging and writing was definitely one of them.

She loved letting her imagination soar 

with all the possibilities of word play.

It made her light up inside. 

It gave her excitement.

It gave her energy.

And so there she began

her new life. 

In the Now Moments.

Always following her excitement. 

Why is it so Dark in Here?

 She was standing face to face with her reality. 

In one hand,

she held the blue pill.

The pill to end all her pains and struggles. 

But in the other hand,

 she held the red pill.

Red..

Her favorite color.

How irresistible it was to just take that pill 

without even thinking about what it would really do to her.

The consequences.

The free falls!

Going down the rabbit hole...

Chasing that rabbit...

Trying everything and anything

just to see if she could.

Then Realizing that she did

 and that she could.

Yet, where did she end up?

Time and time again?

Always in the same dream turned nightmare.

Starting over again.

And again.

Running from the same fears over and over.

This was the game.

Everything she tried,

 big or little.

Fat or thin,

up or down..

good or evil,

was all the same dream.

Same wish.

Same nightmare.

The rabbit hole could go forever. 

But her legs were getting tired.

The snow was getting too deep to keep running through.

Her boots were melting to the blacktop with each step she tried to take. 

It was time to stop running.

And so she looked at the blue pill in her hand. 

To take the blue pill would mean to stop all that could be

and wake up finally.

Back in her own bed.

Being able to believe as she wanted to believe. 

And that was a life worth giving a shot to. 

The world is like a ride...

The next day, 

She awoke not just in a different state...

but in a totally different state of mind.

All that was.

Was no longer.

There was nothing.

Yet everything.

And so she needed to breathe.

She needed to really come back to herself.

When she was around people all the time,

She kept getting entangled.

She would lose who she was.

So easily.

And right now, 

she felt as though she was so lost

that even a fairy tale prince couldn't find her, let alone a magician.

She was in her own Bermuda triangle.

Trying to round it out.. 

"You're a circle" she says over and over again

 trying to convince herself.

However, the more she tries to change the truth,

the deeper she gets lost into this 

false belief she chose to believe.

But so how would she find her way out?

She knew she had to first admit, 

that she had walked into the triangle herself.

No one pushed her.

No one made her.

She walked in.

And now that she was in it, why didn't she accept it?

Why was she trying to change a triangle into a circle?

So she let go of her Pride.

To change what she couldn't change.

And accept it.

And so there she stood.

In the middle of a room.

Which was not hers.

She looked around and realized, she was thankful.

Grateful.

For a room which she really didn't deserve.

But what was she going to do now?

The triangle she was in reeked of corners.

She hated sharp turns.

She hated change.

But at every corner, 

she had to..

And they always came so fast.

She felt stuck.

Like the elephant who was tied to a post with a shoestring..

Like the Smurfs who always got locked up in a cat cage. 

She, too, was stuck...

On the FLiP SiDE...

 The hardest decision she ever had to make in this grand journey called life

was the decision to leave her Twin Flame.

As she stood in the doorway,

knob in hand...

She took one last glance around the room she helped build.

Everything was in flowing order.

There was a place for their food. 

The coffee maker, the toaster oven, their canned goods. 

Everything they had was perfect for them. 

A table for art, or for journaling. 

Two lounging chairs for watching movies while drinking. 

 A queen sized bed blanketed in Purple Softness.. 

which brought back lots of great memories

of cozy warm sleepful nights together

 as well as wild crazy sinful sleepless nights they dramatically played out together.

As she stood there giggling at the old visions that played out before her...

She was really hating herself for having to run once again, 

but it was inevitable.

When was she ever going to get it right?

That was the million dollar question...

However,

at that very moment,

 she didn't have time to even begin to figure the answer out.

She only had 30 minutes to run and 

wasn't in the mood to get caught walking down the stairs 

with two very heavy duffel bags and one semi heavy backpack on her back.

 For she knew,

that if he should appear early,

there would have been Hell to pay.

His Flip Side was not something she could ignore

any longer.

She knew she had to break free!

So she took one last look around and inhaled a wish of hope...

Hope that he would stay and use the room for himself or even for his family 

if he should ever bring them out.

But deep down inside, 

she knew the truth.

This was a final farewell to all the hard work and money they had spent

once again

trying to spin yet another web which they liked to joke

and call.. 

DESTiNY!

The helping Hand that slaps...

 Sometimes in life, it's not easy to just say,

 "okay, I quit."

Especially when you have chosen to live with a person,

and all your stuff is now 'Ours' and not just 'Mine' any more. 

This is exactly what she was dealing with in the here and now.

After being spit in the face by her one true love,

she arrived later that night to her Flag, Journal, and work shirt 

all thrown out the window onto the front lawn.

She picked them up and took them inside.

He was busy in the bathroom so she sat at the edge of the bed and 

just listened to her music for a bit 

until he came back into the room and proved to be 

harmless.

He went to bed... 

And soon thereafter, so did she.

The next day however... He wanted to reconcile.

She never did a thing.

Yet he gave her the upper hand to reconcile.

Was that even right?

She realized that a lot of people would think it so,

but truth was... 

That no...

NO it wasn't.

The whole scenario

was invented by him.

Delivered by him,

and then finished by him.

So where did she come into play at all?

Why was he giving her the reins on 

making the decision

to be together?

They never parted.

She just left an argument.

Went and did what she loved to do. 

He's the one who decided to 

go all out and destroy

her stuff while she was out. 

He's the one that crossed the boundary lines.

Shouldn't he have been the one to 

come to his senses

and apologize for his destructive

behavior caused by

his own insecurities?

Yes. 

Yes he should have. 

But because he didn't and because she fell for it...

It continued to spiral downward. 

Power is something we all crave..

But how we own it is the real question.

Power is never out there.

You don't gain it because someone asks, 

"are we still together?" 

Power is had when you see the real truth. 

The truth of a situation

in it's entirety.

The whole picture from a birds eye point of view.

And you stick to your own truth.

Your part. 

Your Half.

And that is a relationship...

Relating with another,

in the same boat!

So then... what was she to do now?

 

The Fall

 The spray of wetness from his spit,

Seized her face 

like a war  to be had...

She wasn't really shocked though.

She was already totally beat up by his insecure actions from the nights before.

Insecurity and self sabotage came hand in hand and she knew already...

That three's a crowd...

So when the spit hit..

She knew it was a sign to split..

But she wasn't one to leave without a hit..

So she took her best shot!

She spoke to him all that she had been holding back..

She wanted him to see his strengths...

His truths...

His own weaknesses..

So that he could own them..

And be more powerful...

But his Ego didn't agree to those terms...

His Ego wanted to win.

At all cost.

Including the relationship.

And so it was...

The Pride

Cometh

Before the Fall...

And so it did.

Discovering truths

 As she sat in the bar, drinking her beer, 

Doing what she enjoyed the most, writing...

She couldn't help but shake the thought that everything in her relationship world was falling apart.

Her boyfriend had just text several insecure texts to her..

Some rather very harsh and rude accusations to say the least.

 And then she remembered..

This was just a thought.

Sure her boyfriend had his insecurities.

And she knew they were his, that's for sure.

She knew herself very well. 

She was a great woman.

Kind.

Caring.

Loving.

Understanding.

Full of joy!

And very trusting.

She knew that in order for another person to feel her as the same..

That she would have to first do them with herself.

And that is exactly why tonight...

She was kind caring loving understanding full of joy and trusting in herself to do what her heart truly wanted and desired. 

And so she took another sip of her favorite beer..

And continued to write the rest of her blog..

Till the next chapter happens..

Thou shalt NoT...

She Awoke one morning 

and just sat there for a second. 

She let her environment really surround her.

And she finally,

 for the first time,

 really accepted everything

as it truly presented itself to be.

As is.

As much as it hurt to see what was really 

happening before her.

As much as it disappointed her 

to see such destruction.. 

She swallowed hard and just 

accepted it all. 

It was her now moment.

And even though she wasn't happy with it.

Even though she wasn't content with it.

She welcomed it. 

Then she asked herself. 

What do I really want?

And she just listened. 

A small voice inside her, 

like a child,

 jumped up and spoke...

I want comfort.

I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. 

In my own home.

My body, my mind, my heart, my soul.

And she finally laid down her control

and surrendered.

And it came to her... 

Her truth.

She realized just how much she had been holding herself hostage. 

Pushing herself with fears.

Fears of losing people, friendships, relationships...

She shut herself out just to please others.

She lied to herself...

That once she takes care of them, 

she will get what she really wants..

But it was a lie. 

She was lying to herself for years. 

She wondered why she couldn't find joy in life.

She wondered why life wasn't all that it was hyped up to be.

And right then and there..

She realized the truth..

The truth that 

Any relationship built on a lie..

Is just an illusion...

And it all began with her relationship with herself. 

And that's when she really woke up!

The Arrow points That way...

 Cupid's arrow was sharper then she'd thought.

When it struck,

it struck hard.

The Ego disguised as the heart, 

was definitely unaware of the spell

that cupid's arrow had injected in her once it hit. 

----------------------

She was on a yellow brick road to a place called her Destiny,

but never did she imagine that this road 

would lead her down the darkest of Alley's!

Yet, she knew she was strong.

And welcomed the challenge...

Her Ego was in tip top shape.

She knew she was hardcore.

She was a Warrior.

She wanted to achieve Pure Platinum Goddess-hood

and was willing to walk through the hottest of fires 

just to get there!

But boy was it Hot! 

And Dang, it really burned her! 

But she wasn't about to give up.

Especially after how far she had already travelled!

However, 

She knew that as a wise Warrior...

Sometimes a shift in direction 

was absolutely necessary

in order to out-smart

the evil fire breathing Dragon ahead

that was filling her path with a smoldering heat wave that could kill an entire army!

She knew she had to forge a new path...

 She immediately gathered herself,

 and began to look around at all the weapons she had bought

to help navigate her to a new road.

She let out a huge sigh of disbelief! 

 All the tools she had invested in, 

got burned away in the red hot heat 

of this fire breathing dragon she was about to face!

Her shoulders slumped in disappointment.

Perhaps she should have valued her weapons a bit more

and focused less on being strong enough to handle the heat..

She cursed her pride!

He had let her fall again. 

The only beast that ever really won against her...

Was in fact her pride..

And with each battle,

 it weakened her more and more..

As she sat there, empty handed, she decided to just close her eyes, 

and slowly breathe real deep..

With each breathe, 

she welcomed her struggles.

She welcomed her disappointments.

She welcomed her discomforts...

As each one lifted,

it freed her inside from the heaviness she felt

was chaining her down.

And there she saw it...

underneath all that heaviness inside was a beautiful light.

She wanted to go to it..

It was such a warm inviting light.

Not scorching hot like the fire breathing dragon path she was on.

So she decided to follow this new path instead.

As she went closer,

 she realized there was a beautiful Goddess sitting there.

It was her!

Underneath all that struggle...

and heaviness of battling her pride and Ego's heat,

was a beautiful Goddess imprisoned inside her. 

She realized then and there that her focus being always 

out there...

Resisting by

Putting tons of efforts towards conquering an undefeatable 

fire breathing dragon,

was really just an optical illusion she created with her Ego.

The only Princess locked in a prison 

was her.

Her True Self. 

But she didn't have to battle anything.

No fire breathing dragon.

No Darth Vader.

No Dr. Evil..

Nothing. 

She just had to accept her self

 in the now moments.

Shadows and all.

Welcome them with open arms..

And she was free!

Free from the self inflicted prison of fear! 

When she opened her eyes, 

she was sitting in her chair, in her beautiful home.

Coffee next to her laptop.

Blog opened and waiting...

She smiled real big and began typing...

T

h

e

E

n

d

.

 

 

A Nightmare Fairy-tale

 Present Day

~3:00AM~

She awoke to a sudden vibration.

She was hearing impaired and took out her hearing aid before going to bed each night.

But just because she couldn't hear sounds didn't mean she couldn't hear.

She was keenly aware of all vibrations.

And the vibration that awoke her at 3:15am

Was one of haste. 

She quickly grabbed her hearing aid by the bedside

And fumbled to place it in her ear.

As it turned on

She felt another vibration, only this time, it was accompanied by a terrible sound of cracking wood!

Visions of an axe going through the door

Popped into her head.

Damn those horror movies

For corrupting her mind, she thought.

Then snapped out of it as she heard another loud bang!

She quickly reached for her cell phone,

Which laid charging next to her bed.

She frantically searched for the phone button

But could hardly remember how to even unlock her phone...

Her adrenaline must have been going out of whack with fear..

The warrior she thought she had been

Now made her realize she was just a pussy cat all along..

She might scratch and claw

But when the real fight came, 

She just wanted to run up the tallest tree and hide... 

Or cuddle up in the lap of someone she trusted..

Which at the moment was no one.

When she finally was able to dial 

Nine.

One.

One.

The first thing she said in a shaky voice

Was, 

"Help me please! Someone's trying to break into my room!"

They asked for location and then if she knew who it might be.

She knew nothing..

She truly thought she had woken up in an alternative dimension

Also known as a nightmare...

But because she was actually standing there holding the phone by the window, 

Wondering if her only escape would be to jump...

But it was 2 stories high and she knew that there would be a broken leg waiting for her at the bottom if she actually chose to use it.

She definitely knew this was no dream.

The police continue to ask questions

Which all gets drown out by the loud sound of wood cracking...

Until a sudden silence

But very strong force

Breaks all connection to security.

The door swings open!

"Omg! She screams!"

As she stares at the dark figure standing

In the door way..

"It's him..."

 She pleads in defeat.

He walks in slowly 

Whispering something calmly to her,

But she can't hear anything..

Her heart is beating so loud..

All she could do was take in what

Was before her...

In that now moment...

He's wearing all black..

He takes off his sun glasses,

And kneels on one knee before her..

She sees the surrender..

The innocence..

The love...

The suffering...

The call for her to come back,

Not only to her self but to him...

She finally saw it..

She wanted to hug him

But realized the phone was still in her hand..

The police on the other end 

Were calling to her...

"Ma'am? 

Ma'am? 

Are you ok?"

She looked out the window.

There are police out there calling to her...

But she has lost all her words.

All her thoughts..

And there she stood before him,

Realizing that he had taken off 

Her rose colored glasses...

And right then and there she saw

In that now moment,

Her truth...

That her heart only wanted her love..

She just had to be open to it.

And 

When she listened to her heart..

That love brought her back to her

Dark Knight...

.....